If you've got a difficult child then be advised: you are not alone!Kids come with different types of temperament. Some will be sweet as angels (most of the time), while others can be hell-raisers (some of the time).This is no reflection on your qualities as a parent. It's just the way things are. Even two siblings can be at opposite ends of the scale. Parents might not get to choose their kids' emotional ranges, but there are ways to help them control their feelings and tempers. And professional help is available if you need it. This article looks at how to parent difficult children, how to give them the best start in life, and how the family can grow together and understand any underlying problems.Once you have read these tips on handling difficult children, for more parenting advice, see our article about when a <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/9-month-old-baby-not-crawling-should-you-worry" target="_blank">9-month-old baby is not crawling</a> or how to handle <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/my-3-year-old-behavior-is-out-of-control-what-now" target="_blank">3-year-old behavior that is out of control</a>.‍<h2 data-header-link="Are Some Children Just More Difficult?">Are Some Children Just More Difficult?</h2>Asking whether your child is more 'difficult' than other kids can be, well, a difficult question to answer. &nbsp;Is the child really more argumentative and uncontrollable than other kids, or is that just how you perceive it? What do we mean by difficult, anyway? It's easy to get tied in knots.Anyone who has two or more children, though, knows that kids come with very different temperaments. You can raise siblings in exactly the same way, with exactly the same rules and they'll turn out very differently. Like any trait, behavior lies on a spectrum. Some kids are naturally easy-going and others offer more challenges to parents. And the difference between the two can be hard to imagine until you've seen it in your own children. Difficult or challenging behavior can manifest in several different ways. The most common, especially in younger children, is an emotional outburst of anger and shouting, often called a tantrum. But the child may also scream, swear, bite, break things or lash out at others. Every family will experience some discipline problems of this nature, but if a child is regularly getting anguished, often getting into trouble at school, or is physically injuring themselves or others, then parents need to seek help. &nbsp;<h2 data-header-link="Tips For Helping Difficult Children Stay Calm">Tips For Helping Difficult Children Stay Calm</h2>We've all been there. Even children who are usually all sweetness-and-light have their occasional moments. Dealing with difficult children is particularly tricky in public, where we not only have to try to calm with the child, but also feel the burn of reproachful gazes from passers-by. But how do you ease the temper tantrum in the shopping mall; or the complete meltdown on the high street? Or even the regular bout of fury in private?The first thing to know is that it will get better. Probably. Temper tantrums are completely normal. Almost all children have them in their early years, hence phrases like 'the terrible twos' and 'threenagers' (these are often seen as the most difficult ages for many children). They're usually triggered by the child not getting something that they want, and may be exacerbated by hunger or tiredness. Most children grow out of full-blown tantrums when they reach school age, and learn better ways to handle minor disappointments. But not always. Many kids have underlying conditions such as ADHD that can trigger problems with their temperament, and a bewildering number of other mental health issues can be at play. Helping children regain emotional control can be hard, but there are many parenting techniques that can help. The most obvious, and perhaps most powerful, is to show regular emotional support, with plenty of hugs and reassurances that you love them to bits. If a child has a meltdown in the street, shouting back will not help one jot, but kneeling down to their level and giving a warm hug with soothing words might be all that's needed.Children who are easily anguished tend to like consistency. Make sure you're sticking to the same rules and treating siblings the same wherever possible. A younger difficult child can sometimes be mollified with a distraction. Change the subject to something completely different, produce a favorite toy, or even make a funny noise if your child is amused by such things. This won't fix the underlying problem, but it can help you make progress if your child's tantrum is holding things up. Above all, never shout or threaten your child. Parents can easily lose their tempers when feelings are running high, but getting angry or using strong language will only make matters worse. At the same time, don't feel miserable with yourself if you experience anger or frustration with your kids, this too is very normal. Every parent feels exhausted and "at their wit's end" from time to time, even those who wouldn't normally say they have a difficult child.<figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:1050px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/604ee21cebce2926fd15718e-knowing-how-to-deal-with-difficult-children-can-be-challenging.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Knowing how to deal with difficult children can be challenging." width="1050" height="700" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_604ee21cebce2926fd15718e-knowing-how-to-deal-with-difficult-children-can-be-challenging.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_604ee21cebce2926fd15718e-knowing-how-to-deal-with-difficult-children-can-be-challenging.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_604ee21cebce2926fd15718e-knowing-how-to-deal-with-difficult-children-can-be-challenging.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_604ee21cebce2926fd15718e-knowing-how-to-deal-with-difficult-children-can-be-challenging.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/604ee21cebce2926fd15718e-knowing-how-to-deal-with-difficult-children-can-be-challenging.jpeg 1050w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure><h2 data-header-link="How To Deal With A Difficult Child">How To Deal With A Difficult Child</h2>The old nature versus nurture argument can be difficult to square. How much of a child's behavior comes down to innate tendencies, and how much is shaped by their experiences? The example of the divergent siblings mentioned above shows that a fair chunk of a child's temperament is inherent, but that's not to say that everything is set in stone. Even the most difficult kid can be helped towards a calmer life with the right interventions and parental choices. The key thing to remember is that your child isn't being difficult on purpose. They're not on some mission to annoy or frustrate you. You're not a bad parent, and they're not trying to make you feel like one. You can make yourself feel better by making them feel better.Easier said than done, right? Well, for sure. Helping a child find ways to control their emotions can be a hard task for parents, but it's not impossible. Start with a conversation; a proper, deep, heart-to-heart to find out what's bothering them. This works best if you're doing some kind of activity, out for a walk, say, or playing throw-and-catch, where it's harder to close down or slink off. Reassure the child that it's totally OK for them to feel however they feel, that you love them and that you're never angry at them. Then explore ways they might try to manage strong feelings, without expressing them through shouting or other negative behaviors. &nbsp;It's OK to be angry; it's not OK to lash out. Above all, listen. Let them do most of the talking, be attentive to what they say, and don't be judgmental. If you're able to have regular conversations like this, then your child might gradually grow in self-esteem and confidence, reduce their challenging behavior and make everyone's life that bit brighter. The second thing to remember is that no amount of discipline and telling-off is going to change your child. That's completely the wrong way to look at the situation. You might shock them into silence, but the underlying problem will remain, and may even be exacerbated. Rather than 'correcting' difficult behavior, we should be helping the child to understand and master it, or else channel their emotions in better ways. It sounds almost like a bad TV cliche, but turning the negative into something constructive really is the best strategy. So if, for example, your child is frustratingly stubborn, then find challenges that reward tenacity. Give her the task of completing an adventure playground, assault course, or climbing ropes, then ask her to try and beat her time. Put him in charge of your household recycling where a stubborn adherence to rules will make sure you all file your garbage in the correct bins. Remember that people who are 'difficult' are also likely to be strong-willed or energetic, and those are not bad things if channeled in the right direction. Sudden changes can often trigger behavioral problems, particularly in children with conditions such as ADHD. Change is, of course, inevitable as we go through our lives, but you could try to minimize it as much as possible during day-to-day interactions. Have set routines for meals, baths, and bedtimes. Draw up timetables if that helps, or perhaps family agreements on things like screen time and chores.How does your kid behave when you're not around? It's worth talking to the school, kindergarten, or other people they hang out with, to see if the discipline problems are happening in other parts of their life. Schools may have counseling and other services in place that might provide help for difficult children.Some children might benefit from practicing mindfulness exercises. Techniques to help calm a troubled mind are now widely taught in schools, backed up by YouTube videos, books, and specialized apps. Try out a few of these with your child, and remind them of the techniques they learned whenever they get frustrated. You could also try to read books to them about dealing with emotional problems. This will give them new words to help describe their feelings, and reinforce that they're not alone in feeling angry, anxious, or otherwise distressed. Another tip, obvious really, but easily forgotten, is to give frequent praise and encouragement, particularly when the child has taken time to think about what you've said, and modified their behavior.<h2 data-header-link="What To Do If I Can't Cope">What To Do If I Can't Cope</h2><figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:1024px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/604ee23b9d4da5346fd79aab-talking-to-a-counselor-might-benefit-a-difficult-child.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Talking to a counselor might benefit a difficult child." width="1024" height="683" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_604ee23b9d4da5346fd79aab-talking-to-a-counselor-might-benefit-a-difficult-child.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_604ee23b9d4da5346fd79aab-talking-to-a-counselor-might-benefit-a-difficult-child.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_604ee23b9d4da5346fd79aab-talking-to-a-counselor-might-benefit-a-difficult-child.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_604ee23b9d4da5346fd79aab-talking-to-a-counselor-might-benefit-a-difficult-child.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/604ee23b9d4da5346fd79aab-talking-to-a-counselor-might-benefit-a-difficult-child.jpeg 1024w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>If you've tried all the approaches above and you still feel like you're getting nowhere, then it's time to seek professional advice. It's sometimes hard to take this first step. We all like to think that we're capable parents. We know our children best, and we should be able to understand what's causing their misbehavior. Seeking (and sometimes paying for) professional help can feel like we're admitting defeat.But you have to let go of such feelings if you're going to crack the problem. You're not 'giving in', but seeking help from somebody with much greater experience at uncovering your child's difficulties. Parents might be clued-on that their child is having problems at school, or among their friends. But how many can spot an undiagnosed learning or mental health difficulty that might be affecting their self-confidence? Conditions like ADHD, depression, anxiety, and autism spectrum disorders are all a possibility. &nbsp;Teachers may be able to read some of the signs, but speaking to a qualified counselor or child psychologist is the best way to understand your child's emotional difficulties. &nbsp;The services accessible to your family will depend on where you live. Many schools have support schemes or counseling services that are free to use. Others run mentoring and buddying schemes that can help with all kinds of issues. Your doctor may be able to refer your child to a counselor, therapist, or psychologist. It's particularly important for a parent to seek a doctor's advice if there's a suspicion that the child might have some underlying mental health condition. You may also want to talk to someone about your own mental wellbeing or join a more informal parenting group to discuss your challenges with parents in a similar position. &nbsp;If you found this parenting article about raising difficult children helpful, then why not take a look at our ideas for <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/the-best-ideas-for-6-year-old-birthday-parties" target="_blank">6-year-old birthday parties</a> or what to do if your <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/why-your-baby-wont-nap-all-the-reasons-for-disrupted-sleep" target="_blank">baby won't nap</a>?

Parenting difficult children can be stressful.

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Behavior problems are one of the most challenging aspects of parenting. If your child is more difficult than most, find out how to help difficult children here.

Parenting Strategies For Difficult Children: Our Top Tips

"Children these days just don't have any manners!"Adults have been saying this for generations, perhaps forever. If it were true then, by now, we'd all be living like animals.The world is arguably more inclusive and thoughtful of other social groups than ever. With so many cultures, opinions, and ideas rubbing shoulders with others on social media, manners for kids matter as never before. We need to work on our children's manners to stop arguments, foster respect, and help them understand the views of other people. But how should parents go about teaching manners to children? As with many things in life, you can't always make kids adopt kindness and politeness through training. You need to practice what you preach and be someone who shows kindness and respect yourself, at home, and in the wider world.As with any behavior, positive feedback is the most powerful feedback. When your child starts saying please and thank you independently, be sure to acknowledge it. "Oh, you said 'please'. That's really good! Thank you!". But manners matter beyond these simple words. The idea that manner matters means that we need to lead by example, and show kindness and respect to others. Hold open doors for people behind you; give way to the other person when the sidewalk is too narrow for two; let the other person finish speaking before opening your mouth; and always use good manners at the table. Manners matter in the classroom, and manners matter in the library. Manners follow us everywhere.Here we offer some tips on teaching respect and better manners to children. If these tips are helpful, parents might also find these ["I hate homework"] and [January birthday] guides useful!‍<h2 data-header-link="Do Manners Matter In The 21st Century?">Do Manners Matter In The 21st Century?</h2>When we look back through history, it's easy to see a gradual erosion of manners. The stuffy social formality of Victorian times gradually gave way to a more permissive society. Individuality and diversity are now championed as never before. Non-conformity is now considered something to celebrate and respect rather than deride, but that doesn't mean we should jettison all shared behavior. Indeed, modern society needs good manners more than ever. With so many diverse voices, opinions and ways of living all clamoring for attention across social media, a universally understood code of respect is essential. That's where manners come in. We must all be courteous, kind, and listen well, and the basic please and thank-yous are still a very important part of that. <h2 data-header-link="How To Teach Your Children To Be Polite In Conversation">How To Teach Your Children To Be Polite In Conversation</h2><figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:1024px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/603f5c516eafc74c48af0046-teaching-children-to-be-polite-is-a-valuable-life-skill.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Teaching children to be polite among a group of friends is a valuable life skill." width="1024" height="731" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_603f5c516eafc74c48af0046-teaching-children-to-be-polite-is-a-valuable-life-skill.jpeg 219w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_603f5c516eafc74c48af0046-teaching-children-to-be-polite-is-a-valuable-life-skill.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_603f5c516eafc74c48af0046-teaching-children-to-be-polite-is-a-valuable-life-skill.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_603f5c516eafc74c48af0046-teaching-children-to-be-polite-is-a-valuable-life-skill.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/603f5c516eafc74c48af0046-teaching-children-to-be-polite-is-a-valuable-life-skill.jpeg 1024w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>Small children have a natural tendency to talk out loud whenever they feel like it, without waiting for other people to finish. Empathy takes years to fully develop. Small children don't realize that you can only handle one conversation at a time, nor that someone else's words might be more pressing right now than their own. You just have to roll with that sometimes. Try to smile and use a hand gesture to acknowledge their need for attention, and show that you'll turn to them in a moment. Good manners matter, but so does keeping everyone happy, no matter how little.Conversational good manners take many years to fully master. Humans are capable of conveying such a vast range of thoughts, ideas, and emotions that we must be prepared for anything, and that's only possible with better life experience. As such, it's impossible to provide the full 'rules' of conversation, but we can again lead by example. The most important skill we can impart is to show the importance of good listening. When talking to your child, make full eye contact and listen carefully to what they are saying. On the flip side, if a child seems vacant or distracted while you're talking to them, don't nag or tell them to "listen to me!". Instead, pause what you're saying mid-sentence. That usually triggers their attention. &nbsp;<h2 data-header-link="How To Teach Your Children Please And Thank You">How To Teach Your Children Please And Thank You</h2>Once again, the most important matter is to lead by example. As a parent, when someone hands you something, be sure to say "thank you" in a positive tone of voice. Do this time after time, and your child will imitate your ways. Please is a little harder, as it's not a standalone word, but needs context around it. Even so, you can over-emphasise the word every time you ask them to do something. Don't worry if it takes a few years before it comes naturally every time.<h2 data-header-link="How To Teach Your Children Table Manners">How To Teach Your Children Table Manners</h2><figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:799px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/603f5c787ee3350eda886b18-find-out-why-table-manners-matter-here.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Find out why table manners matter here." width="799" height="532" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_603f5c787ee3350eda886b18-find-out-why-table-manners-matter-here.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_603f5c787ee3350eda886b18-find-out-why-table-manners-matter-here.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_603f5c787ee3350eda886b18-find-out-why-table-manners-matter-here.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/603f5c787ee3350eda886b18-find-out-why-table-manners-matter-here.jpeg 799w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>It's easy to get into a fret about polite behavior at the dinner table, but really you only five basic manners with children. Everything else should follow as they learn by example. Here are the five key areas where meal time manners matter:1. Always wash your hands immediately before a meal (for pretty obvious hygiene reasons).2. Don't talk with food in your mouth (we can't tell what you're saying, and you might spray us with food).3. Stay on your chair (you might spread food around or bring back germs and, let's face it, it's a bit annoying when you dance around during dinner).4. No toys at the table (you might rub food into the toy, which then needs cleaning).5. Use cutlery or chopsticks, unless eating food like a sandwich (stops food stains being spread around the house by dirty fingers, and is considered etiquette in most situations).Some parents might be inclined to go easy on rule five. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with using well-washed hands for certain types of food. A corn-on-the-cob or burrito would be trickier to eat and, well, much less fun. Just don't try it with soup or a bowl of cereal!Of course, good manners at the table could extend to a much longer list, but if you can focus on these five basic principles then your children should learn to respect other rules by example. The best part of fixing on just five rules is it makes their teaching all that easier, as kids only have to remember a few simple rules. They will learn them quickly, but that doesn't mean they'll stick to them. Parents should try not to nag, as that just raises the hackles. Instead, you could silently nod your head side to side, with a comical smile on your face. This is a gentle way of reminding a child that they're breaking a rule, and they need to behave differently.At the end of the day, parents shouldn't stress too much about children picking up the ps and qs. If you've found your way to an article like this, and read this far, then you're probably a conscientious parent who will naturally provide the practice of good manners to your kids.If you found this article helpful, why not take a look at these [martial arts for kids], or [mommy and me yoga] guides too?

Making thank you cards is a great way to help teach manners.

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Good manners matter for kids more today than ever. How can you teach your kids to say please, thank you, not interrupt, and behave at table?

Why Manners Matter And How To Teach Them To Your Kids 

What do you do when your child says "I don't want to do homework"?You can't do it for them, but you also have a responsibility to support their education and make sure assignments get done. It might not be possible to turn "I hate homework" into "I love homework", but there are positive ways to turn such problems round.Often, it's not the homework itself that's the issue, but some underlying cause of unrest. The student may be having problems at school you don't know about. They might need coaching in time management or prioritisation skills. Perhaps they don't have a comfortable space in which to do their homework. Sometimes, kids simply have bad days and lash out with an "I hate school". Getting to the bottom of their real problems is crucial, and we've put together a separate guide on <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/tips-for-parents-to-help-teens-manage-stress" target="_blank">helping kids deal with stress</a>. Some people (including many students!) would like to see homework banned. To assign homework after school is to rob the student of hours that could be constructively channeled in other ways, such as playing sports or getting involved in community activities, both as important as academic learning. Such ideas would need a radical shake-up of high school systems, with teachers having to either fit more information into school hours, or else drop some of the curriculum. In its favour, working at home encourages a student to plan for themselves and understand the value of self-motivation. For now, teachers will continue to assign homework, so we better find ways to support that learning outside of the classroom.Here, we discuss 10 methods for helping kids with homework or <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/ways-to-help-your-teens-revise" target="_blank">revision</a>, so they can study and learn effectively.‍<h2 data-header-link="1. Nurture A Love Of Learning">1. Nurture A Love Of Learning</h2>All young children have an innate sense of curiosity. It may diminish as the years go on, but it's always there. We need to give our children as many opportunities as possible to tap into this sense of exploration so that even homework feels like a means to finding out more about the world. This isn't a quick fix, or something you can turn on in one day - it is an ongoing way for parents to engage with their children. Encourage questions about the things they see around them, explain unfamiliar words, expose them to variety in everything, and never be negative or dismissive. One of the main reasons kids say they hate homework is that almost anything else seems more like fun. If you've brought them up to find wonder and interest in everything, then they may even love their homework.<h2 data-header-link="2. Get Them To Be Teacher">2. Get Them To Be Teacher</h2>One of the most effective ways of reinforcing learning is to show somebody else how to do it. You can do this by asking your child to pretend to be the teacher, and to give you a lesson. Perhaps they've brought home some geometry to master. See if they can show you how to calculate the area of a circle or the volume of a cylinder. You can even play dumb and pretend you don't already know these things (what, you do remember, right?). You can then work through real examples as set out in the homework. Let them read out the first question to you and, when you struggle to answer, they can show you the working. The you-be-teacher game can give the student a new confidence in their abilities, which they can then use to complete the rest of their work.<h2 data-header-link="3. Carrot Versus Stick">3. Carrot Versus Stick</h2>Perhaps the one thing parents do more than any other to goad a student their child into doing homework is to say "you won't get X until you do it". X might be a favorite TV program, a sweet treat they'd been expecting, pocket money, or some other desirable. This might work, some of the time, with some kids. However, it's just as likely to lead to argument and resentment. A more constructive approach is to frame it in a positive light, with rewards for good behavior. "You can have an hour on the iPad once you've finished your homework," for example, or "I've got a bit of a surprise for you once you've got your assignments out of the way". (Though, in the second case, you better actually have a surprise lined up!) &nbsp;The downside to this approach is that it can lead to the expectation of a reward for every task you assign, so use it sparingly.<h2 data-header-link="4. Lower The Barrier To Entry">4. Lower The Barrier To Entry</h2><figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:799px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/602cf25fe1a778453314d4a4-lower-the-barrier-to-entry.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Part of our job as family members of a student is to spend time supporting their studies over the years." width="799" height="533" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_602cf25fe1a778453314d4a4-lower-the-barrier-to-entry.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_602cf25fe1a778453314d4a4-lower-the-barrier-to-entry.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_602cf25fe1a778453314d4a4-lower-the-barrier-to-entry.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/602cf25fe1a778453314d4a4-lower-the-barrier-to-entry.jpeg 799w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>Do you ever put off doing a task because it all seems quite daunting, but then when you finally do it you discover it wasn't so bad? It's the 'barrier to entry' phenomenon, and it's a common motivational problem with homework. You can help your child lower that barrier to entry by gently and subtly easing them in to the assignment. Find out what the homework is about, then say "Oh wow, I remember doing that at school. I'd love to see how you learn it these days". This could spark a useful conversation which encourages your child to show you more. You might try diving into YouTube and watch a video about the subject, or even find an educational game, which might then motivate them to get started on the assignment proper. &nbsp;<h2 data-header-link="5. Get Them To Plan Their Own Schedule">5. Get Them To Plan Their Own Schedule</h2>Older high school kids can receive quite meaty chunks of homework from teachers, especially in the run-up to exams. Some will simply dive into study under their own steam, but others might feel crushed and not know where to begin, believing they have simply &nbsp;too much homework to be able to make a start anywhere. A simple schedule is one way to make things better. Break learning down into easily digested fragments and plan them into time slots over the coming week(s). Invest in a whiteboard or some other way of tracking study time. And be realistic about what you can fit into the hours available. A task that might look like it'll take a couple of hours might stretch longer with toilet breaks, interruptions and unexpected difficulties.<h2 data-header-link="6. Don't Refer To It As Homework">6. Don't Refer To It As Homework</h2><figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:799px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/602cf279c2b2dc7490c21274-dont-refer-to-it-as-homework.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="There are many reasons why people 'hate' school, and the use of language around homework might be one of them." width="799" height="555" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_602cf279c2b2dc7490c21274-dont-refer-to-it-as-homework.jpeg 225w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_602cf279c2b2dc7490c21274-dont-refer-to-it-as-homework.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_602cf279c2b2dc7490c21274-dont-refer-to-it-as-homework.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/602cf279c2b2dc7490c21274-dont-refer-to-it-as-homework.jpeg 799w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>The problem with homework is that it's called homework. We tend to associate related words like 'work', 'task' and 'job' with negative experiences, or at least those parts of life that are not as much fun as 'play'. We need to make homework feel like something your child will want to do, something desirable. So have a think about the language of homework, and try alternatives. 'Home learning' is one, more positive alternative. 'Bonus think time' might be another. <h2 data-header-link="7. Have Regular Conversations About School">7. Have Regular Conversations About School</h2>The problem might not lie in the homework as such, but in the wider school experience. Perhaps your child is having difficulties in the classroom. They may feel like they're not as smart as their friends, for example. They may have issues with self-esteem, fitting in socially or feel generally overwhelmed. A cry of "I hate doing homework" or even "I hate my teacher" might be related to complex underlying factors. It's important to have regular conversations about school life in general. We all ask our kids how they got on in class, but such generic questions are usually shrugged off with one-word answers. Better to ask specific questions, like "Did Mrs Storey like your essay?" or "What did you cover in history today?". Then use the answers to develop the conversation into other aspects of school life. Taking a regular interest like this can diffuse some of the ill-feeling towards doing school work at home.<h2 data-header-link="8. Gamify Their Education">8. Gamify Their Education</h2>Why are video games so addictive? The best ones give you frequent micro-rewards. 10 rubies unlock a new badge; collecting dragon eggs advances you up a level. We can take a similar approach to education and particularly homework. You can draw up a chart of levels for them to unlock (and couple them to rewards if you like). So, for example, if they can complete all homework on time for a week, then they unlock a certain reward; do it for a month and they get a special reward. You could also tailor the approach to individual assignments. For a 2,000 word essay, say, you might have tick boxes for for finishing the background reading, for getting a plan of paragraphs worked out, reaching every 500-word mark, and for doing a final read through and spellcheck. These strategies probably won't be sustainable in the long term, it can be quite an effort for parents to plot out the reward system, but can be a short-term help for students who need a bit more motivation.<h2 data-header-link="9. Make Sure They've Got A Suitable Working Environment">9. Make Sure They've Got A Suitable Working Environment</h2>It helps, a lot, if homework has its set place in the home, and isn't done ad hoc on the sofa or bed. A dedicated desk in your child's bedroom is the best solution. It gives them a quiet, private space to get homework done, which they can arrange and decorate as they wish. If space is at a premium, then any table will do, so long as it's distant from distractions. Some students might prefer to work in a library to get the peace they need, worth suggesting if they haven't already tried it. A set time for homework is also a good idea. Late afternoon or early evening is often best, giving them chance to rest a bit after school before getting stuck in. We are all guilty of leaving things until the last minute, but working late into the nights or on the last day possible should be avoided where possible.<h2 data-header-link="10. Be Open About The Benefits (And Downsides) Of Homework">10. Be Open About The Benefits (And Downsides) Of Homework</h2>One barrier to doing homework is its seeming futility. "I don't want to do my homework. I hate homework. It's just repeating what I did in class. What's to learn?" Students do get a lot of hidden benefits from doing homework. They might not be learning anything they didn't already know, but the reinforcement of ideas they learn in class is priceless. Working beyond the classroom also teaches them skills like self-motivation and structured planning. Take the time to sit down with your child and explain the reasons why homework is given. Study time might detract from play time but it gives a boost to their education that'll see them good for life. Explain the downsides too, that we'd love for them to have more time to explore other areas of life, play sport and see their friends. Getting homework done is a balancing act, and one all children must master.If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/thirteen-essential-tips-to-create-the-perfect-home-study-space" target="_blank">13 Essential Tips To Create The Perfect Home Study Space</a>, or <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/what-words-have-your-kids-taught-you" target="_blank">What Words Have Your Kids Taught YOU</a>? ‍

Homework often involves family members acting as home teachers to help students.

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What can you do if your children say "I hate homework"? It's a tough one for many parents, but there are ways to help that don't involve bribes or threats.

'I Hate Homework!': 10 Tips For When Your Kids Lose Patience

Have you heard of habit reversal training?It is a type of therapy that can be used to help with all sorts of different behavioral conditions and has been particularly successful in helping those who suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorders. If your child suffers from Tourette's syndrome or pathological skin picking, then habit reversal training for tics and anxiety could also be the answer to their struggles.Habit reversal is a simple, yet effective technique that can be effectively used by parents at home as well as by a professional, trained therapist. It works best for children under 10 years of age, but older kids and adults can also benefit from it too if they suffer from tic disorders.For more parenting discussions, why not take a look at our piece on <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/discipline-vs-punishment-does-the-difference-matter">discipline vs punishment</a> or find out how to handle <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/7-year-old-tantrums-how-to-help-them-and-you-through-it">7-year-old tantrums</a> like a boss?‍<h2>What Is Habit Reversal Training?</h2><figure class="image image_resized" style="width:100%;"><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/60adda9952a30cb0a1836438-what-is-habit-reversal-training.jpeg" alt="A habit reversal training manual will offer ways to help kids deal with tics in the classroom." srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_60adda9952a30cb0a1836438-what-is-habit-reversal-training.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_60adda9952a30cb0a1836438-what-is-habit-reversal-training.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_60adda9952a30cb0a1836438-what-is-habit-reversal-training.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_60adda9952a30cb0a1836438-what-is-habit-reversal-training.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/60adda9952a30cb0a1836438-what-is-habit-reversal-training.jpeg 1920w" sizes="100vw" width="1920"></figure>Habit reversal training is a relatively new concept that can help relieve the symptoms of anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) as well as other behavioral and tic disorders. Current research suggests that by creating alternative rewards to your habit you are actually helping yourself overcome the habit, and that's why this is considered to be one of the most effective ways to help sufferers of anxiety disorders that we currently have.It's a very effective and easy-to-use behavioral technique that's designed to help kids with any kind of behavioral issue to cope with their anxious tics and urges, which switches negative habits like hair pulling or tics with a competing response: a more positive habit.It can be used to deal with tics, OCD, anxiety issues, trichotillomania (hair-pulling), skin picking, and many other behaviors. By changing their daily habits, a person suffering from an issue will be less likely to automatically act on their repetitive tics, and instead, they'll start to replace them with healthy responses.The treatment was invented by psychologist <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/50-best-albert-ellis-quotes-to-inspire-you">Albert Ellis</a> in the early 20th century. Over the past hundred years, it's been used successfully as a therapy technique on those suffering from OCD and Tourette's syndrome, as well as many other disorders.Since its invention, there have been a number of studies carried out so that we can further understand habit reversal training and how it can be used as a behavioral intervention to help people who suffer from behavioral tics. A simplified version of habit reversal was created by psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Meyers in the early 2000s, creating a variation of the original habit reversal technique that is easier to understand and practice.The original kind of habit reversal is defined by a four-step process. The four steps of habit reversal training are as follows.Step 1: You and your child will identify the habit that you want to modify as well as what you would like to substitute it with.In the treatment of a problem behavior, the therapist will typically ask the patient to complete an awareness training activity. This awareness training activity will usually help the patient to identify any repetitive urges like picking skin or hair pulling. It will also help bring awareness to which situations, activities, and places these behaviors are most likely to be triggered.Once they have completed an awareness exercise, they are then asked to list all of their habitual behaviors, and a therapist might also ask the patient to look in the mirror and point out any tics or habits as they arise. The idea is that the patient will build an awareness of these automatic habits so that they can notice them and attempt to stop or swap them.Together you'll then decide on specific ways in which they can start putting their behavior modification into action. This might involve looking at ways to reduce cues that lead to repetitive behaviors, ways to cope with and control urges, and developing some competing responses that can be used instead of the unhealthy tics or behaviors.Step 2: The next step is to start creating competing responses that your child can do instead of their tics and habits. This might look something like balling your hands into fists by your side instead of hair pulling or clicking your fingers instead of scratching your skin. Ideally, these responses will be something that other people won't notice so that your child is able to do them freely in public instead of their unhealthy habit.Step 3: Once your child has identified some new behaviors, they can start to manually attempt to swap their old habits to the habits that are healthier.Step 4: Over time, their brain will adapt to start to ignore their old, negative habit completely, and replace it with the new healthy habit.During habit reversal therapy, someone might also be asked to write a list of how their habits are impacting their life and what problems they are causing, and the friends and family of the sufferer may be asked to offer praise for how far the sufferer has come. This deepens their reasons for why they've chosen this treatment so that when things get hard they can remember the reasons they're trying to get better.<h2>What Is Habit Reversal Training Used For?</h2><figure class="image image_resized" style="width:100%;"><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/60addaaf048edc15e3535914-what-is-habit-reversal-training-used-for.jpeg" alt="Competing response training might be the best option for kids suffering from habit disorders." srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_60addaaf048edc15e3535914-what-is-habit-reversal-training-used-for.jpeg 245w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_60addaaf048edc15e3535914-what-is-habit-reversal-training-used-for.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_60addaaf048edc15e3535914-what-is-habit-reversal-training-used-for.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_60addaaf048edc15e3535914-what-is-habit-reversal-training-used-for.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/60addaaf048edc15e3535914-what-is-habit-reversal-training-used-for.jpeg 1920w" sizes="100vw" width="1920"></figure>There are all sorts of tic disorders and unhealthy habits that can be helped by habit reversal training. &nbsp;It's been used to treat a number of different conditions including but not limited to the following.OCD: A condition where a person suffers from repeating thoughts, feelings, or images that can be distressing.Tourette's Syndrome: This is a condition of the nervous system where someone will suddenly twitch, move or say things out of their control.Trichotillomania: When a person cannot control the urge to pull out their hair, either on their head or other parts of their body.Dermatillomania: Often called skin-picking disorder, where someone can't stop picking at their skin, often caused by anxiety.Habit reversal is often used alongside other therapies designed to treat tics and obsessive-compulsive disorder, like cognitive behavioral therapy and exposure and response prevention.<h2>How Habit Reversal Training Can Help Children?</h2>The first way is by using habit reversal to stop the behavior. It's very similar to a technique called stimulus control which is commonly used in conjunction with habit reversal.It can be incredibly helpful in the treatment of tic disorders and trichotillomania by creating a competing response that is not harmful or painful to the sufferer. It can help with relaxation and mental health, especially in those suffering from anxiety.Also, it can allow kids to gain some control over their actions in public if they are conscious of their behaviors, and give them coping mechanisms for when things are overwhelming.<h2>Are There Any Risks With Habit Reversal Training?</h2>In terms of a behavioral intervention for something like trichotillomania or Tourette's syndrome, habit reversal training is relatively low risk.Children that have high anxiety which causes their behavior might feel pressure from partaking in the training as they move away from relying on their crutches, but overall this behavioral treatment has been proven time and time again to have incredibly positive results for children suffering from negative habits and uncontrollable behavior.Of course, there is always the risk that someone will not be able to swap out their habits to a competing response after their treatment, but hopefully, they will still benefit from the increased awareness of their behavior or habits.If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/dealing-with-an-emotional-meltdown-not-just-a-tantrum">how to handle an emotional meltdown</a>, or find out <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/what-to-do-if-your-child-is-expelled-from-school">what to do if your child is expelled from school</a>?‍

Competing response training can help kids suffering from OCD.

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Find out all you need to know about habit reversal training (HRT) and how it can help kids with tic disorders like hair pulling and skin picking.

Habit Reversal Training: Does It Really Work? 

School is a significant part of life for children and teens, Not only do they spend a large chunk of their weekdays there but it is also where they get an education, establish interests and hobbies, form lasting friendships and learn about <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/the-value-of-discipline-in-the-modern-world" target="_blank">the value of discipline</a> and <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/why-manners-matter-and-how-to-teach-them-to-your-kids" target="_blank">why manners matter</a>.So, when there is the chance of a student getting expelled from school, it can be an incredibly upsetting matter for the child, their parents, and school staff. There can be a worry that their education will be affected and their future opportunities stunted. This, however, does not have the be the case so if you have been informed of your child breaking school rules or having issues with discipline which puts them at risk of expulsion, you can work together with your child, their school, and the principal to make sure they get the support they need as the disciplinary process takes place. If you are concerned about what to do when your child is expelled from school, we hope this article can be of use. Below, we have outlined the expulsion process and included some useful information about the next steps to take should your child be permanently expelled from school. ‍<h2 data-header-link="What Is An Expulsion?">What Is An Expulsion? </h2>So that you can best support your child during the expulsion process or following an expulsion, it can first be beneficial to make sure you understand what it means for a school to expel a student and the reasons that can cause them to make that decision. The Difference Between Suspension And ExpulsionSuspension and expulsion are different forms of disciplinary action and it is worth knowing how suspension and expulsion vary. A school suspension is a less severe, temporary punishment that involves the removal of a student from their regular school setting, usually for a period of two weeks or less. This could be an in-school suspension meaning that they are taken out of the classroom but still remain on school grounds to continue work related to their education or it could mean that they must leave and not return to school until the suspension period is over. Expulsion refers to the process of a student being permanently removed from a school system. It is worth noting, however, that expulsion (being expelled) is seen as a last resort for students and is normally reserved for students who repeatedly violate school rules or have a single instance of extreme behavior. Reasons For ExpulsionIf your child has persistently bad behavior in school such as classroom disruption, rudeness, deliberate disobedience, bullying, or vandalism, their school can report to permanent exclusion if previous forms of discipline haven't worked and they have already been suspended from school more than once. Single instance ways to get expelled from school include such things as being violent, being in possession of a dangerous weapon or firearm, threatening harm to others, and drug possession, use or sale. It is worth knowing, however, that a student with disabilities cannot be expelled from school if their misbehavior is as a direct consequence of their disability. Expulsion In Public Schools Vs. Private SchoolsGenerally speaking, public schools are duty-bound to provide education for those children living within their catchment area, and for each school district, their expulsion guidelines are usually based on federal and state laws. Under the federal Gun-Free Schools Act, for example, any student who carries a weapon into school must receive a minimum 12-month expulsion. The exact nature of expulsion will vary from state to state and the rules of each school district, but in Maine, for instance, if a student gets expelled from a public school then they automatically become banned from every other public school. If you are unsure about the exact terms of expulsion from a school in your area, then it is best to ask the school to direct you to information about this so that you can fully understand the consequences should your child be expelled. Private schools do not have the same duty to educate local children and, therefore, their grounds for expulsion can differ and may include behavior that they feel does not align with their school values. These rules, however, should be available for parents to read in a handbook.<h2 data-header-link="How To Prepare If You Think Your Child Is Getting Expelled">How To Prepare If You Think Your Child Is Getting Expelled</h2>If your child has faced disciplinary action before or you know that they have had trouble with their behavior at school, you may already be concerned about the risk of expulsion. You may have had contact with the school principal previously or have recently learned of a serious incident and be anticipating a formal letter. If you want to get ahead of the process and start gathering information and exploring available legal services then there are things you can do before a written notice arrives. If Your Child Breaks A Serious RuleFinding out your child has broken a serious rule is never something you want to hear but if you get contacted by the school principal or your kid admits their wrongdoing to you, the first thing to do is contact the school and ask whether the student risks suspension or expulsion and find out what this entails. Then, sit down with your child and talk about what has happened and why. The approach you take for this will depend on whether they are younger or in high school and the way you explain the consequences will also differ depending on their age. Start by asking for their account of what happened and ask them why they chose the actions they did. It is important to talk to your child in a calm but firm way. You can be honest and tell them you are upset or disappointed by their behavior but they likely feel bad about themselves already. Finally, explain the next steps that the school has outlined with regards to discipline over the matter. What To Do Before The Letter ComesBefore the hearing letter arrives, it can be valuable to support your child in making a written account of the incident, including as much information as they can recall including where it took place, who was involved, and if there were any witnesses.In addition, you can make some initial inquiries for legal services as students have a right to be represented by an attorney at the disciplinary hearing. You might be able to access free legal services but if you can't, and paying for an attorney is not possible, you can still ask someone to advocate for your child at the hearing. <h2 data-header-link="The Hearing">The Hearing</h2>Before an expulsion can occur, a hearing must take place and should happen as soon as possible after a suspension. You should receive written notice of a hearing at least five days before it takes place which states the time, date, and location of the hearing as well as which rule the school believes was broken and how the student broke it. Receiving such correspondence can be daunting but read on to find out about how you can best prepare for a hearing and what to expect at the hearing itself. How To Prepare For The HearingOnce you have received the written notice of your child's expulsion hearing, you can finalize details with any legal services you have been in contact with to ensure they can represent your child as a student of the school. Whilst you may already have a written account of what happened from the perspective of your child, it is also your right to get copies of any documents that the school plan to present at the hearing as well. &nbsp;Use the time between receiving the formal notice and the hearing to gather as much evidence as you can to support your child's case for continuing their educational life at the school. This may be grade reports, achievement certificates, or sporting accolades. You can also include details of anything you have put in place to help with their behavior such as counseling services you have employed and get character statements from those in the wider community such as neighbors or a pastor.If for any reason, you cannot attend the hearing at the time and date specified, or you want more time to prepare, you can request a postponement but be aware, the school may ask your child to remain out of school until the amended hearing date.What An Expulsion Hearing EntailsIt is important that both you and your child attend the hearing as it will take place even if you are not there. During the hearing, both parties will have the opportunity to provide information, statements, and reports about the matter. This can take the form of written documents that can be read as well as dialogue from both the student and the school and witness testimonies.A witness can be someone who either saw the incident or someone who can act as a character reference, whether that be in defense of the student or an expulsion.Once all the evidence has been presented, a decision-maker will have the final say as to whether the student will be expelled from the school or not. The decision-maker will be impartial and will either be someone not associated with the school, school district, or student or a panel of three or more members from The Board of Education. <figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:640px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/609e126656324e6e7a78b768-what-to-do-with-your-child-when-theyre-suspended.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Take time to gather evidence to support your child." width="640" height="427" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_609e126656324e6e7a78b768-what-to-do-with-your-child-when-theyre-suspended.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_609e126656324e6e7a78b768-what-to-do-with-your-child-when-theyre-suspended.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/609e126656324e6e7a78b768-what-to-do-with-your-child-when-theyre-suspended.jpeg 640w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure><h2 data-header-link="What To Do With Your Child When They're Suspended">What To Do With Your Child When They're Suspended </h2>Although a less severe form of discipline than permanent expulsion, suspension from school is still upsetting and can make you worried about how your child's school year and their educational performance will be affected.Find Out The FactsFollowing an incident, you should be notified within 24 hours of a suspension. The next step is to contact the school and find out all the information they have in relation to the matter. Before any suspension commences, the student should be informed of the reason for the chosen discipline and what rule they are believed to have broken. In addition, they should be made aware of how long the suspension is for. As your child has the right to make up any assignments or examinations they have missed during a suspension, be sure to find out how this can be achieved.Request A MeetingFollowing this, it is advisable to request a face-to-face meeting with the school principal or staff member who put the suspension in place to give you the opportunity to ask any questions you may have and advocate for your child, explaining their side of the story. What's more, you can also discuss options for alternative forms of discipline and request educational, social, or health support where they are available.<h2 data-header-link="Emotional Fallout">Emotional Fallout </h2>Your child may have fears of being known as the kid who got expelled from school and this can add additional stress to what is already an extremely emotional situation. Following an expulsion, it isn't unusual for your child's emotions to shift but it is important that you help them work through them.Firstly, they'll be the emotions related to what caused the expulsion itself. Anger, for instance, can cause children to lash out or be violent and it is imperative you get to the bottom of what has caused this anger. It could be caused by things going on at home, bullying, or internal confusion. In addition, your child will also have negative feelings about being expelled and may worry about how other people view them. Take time to talk to your child about their feelings and if you believe they need more support, then seek the services of a counselor, behavior therapist, or other professional. <figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:640px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/601046aad126edc8329c7e0a-inspirational-quotes-for-teens-are-an-important-tool-to-keep-them-motivated.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Give your child time to talk about their feelings." width="640" height="427" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_601046aad126edc8329c7e0a-inspirational-quotes-for-teens-are-an-important-tool-to-keep-them-motivated.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_601046aad126edc8329c7e0a-inspirational-quotes-for-teens-are-an-important-tool-to-keep-them-motivated.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/601046aad126edc8329c7e0a-inspirational-quotes-for-teens-are-an-important-tool-to-keep-them-motivated.jpeg 640w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure><h2 data-header-link="Continuing Education">Continuing Education</h2>After being expelled from school, you'll likely want to know how your child can continue with their education and what options there are for this. In very rare circumstances, you may find there are no physical placement learning options for the rest of a given school year but even if this is the case, there are other alternatives available. Home SchoolingIf it has been deemed a 'normal' school setting is no longer suitable for your child, homeschooling might be an option. Of course, this will depend on your family circumstances and whether there is an adult at home that can oversee the student's educational progress. Some schools also offer public online schooling, so it is worth exploring this option if is available to them too. Public SchoolsAs has already been mentioned, expelled students may not necessarily be able to attend other public schools in their school district if they have been expelled from one. This, however, is not the case in every state so it is worth contacting other local educational settings and finding out what options there are. Private SchoolsAs independent educational settings, private schools command a fee for their students to attend. The cost will vary between schools but generally speaking, elementary school fees can be in excess of $10,000 a year and high school fees up to $15,000. This cost can make private schooling unfeasible for many families so be sure to look at alternative options as well. Special Education SettingsYou may find that there are special education schools accessible for those students with persistent behavior problems or those who cannot attend other school settings. Often, these schools have a smaller student-to-teacher ratio and lesson structures that are carefully structured to the students. Re-Entry PlansDepending on the length of expulsion, your child may be able to return to their school within the same school year via a re-entry plan. A re-entry plan is made in collaboration with you, your child, and the school and is a way of ensuring that the misbehavior that caused the expulsion will not occur again. This plan will often be reviewed with the student one month after they have returned to school, after three months, and so on. A re-entry plan may also include discipline processes for the student and any additional support that is required for re-entry such as therapy or community service. If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at our <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/your-naughty-child-our-top-11-helpful-tips" target="_blank">helpful tips for your naughty child</a>, or a discussion of <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/parenting-todays-teens-the-troubles-and-the-joys" target="_blank">parenting today's teens</a>?‍

Being expelled from school is upsetting for you and your child.

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Finding out your child is at risk of being expelled from school is worrying but our informative article can help you know what to expect. 

What To Do If Your Child Is Expelled From School

Every child can have their moments of naughty behaviour, when you're talking and they are just not listening, or it seems like they are going out of their way to go against your rules. But what happens when it feels like your child is naughty every single day? When no amount of discipline seems to work and it feels as though your child keeps getting naughtier? For parents, it can be tempting to blame ourselves for our kids' behaviour and feel like we have done something wrong. In reality, there are a number of reasons why our naughty kids might be acting out, and it's important to learn what the cause might be so that we can work out how to help. If you can identify where your child's naughty behaviour comes from, then you can start to gain an idea of what your naughty child might need in order to stop misbehaving. Sometimes naughty behaviour can be solved by something simple like a snack or physical exercise, and other times it might be a cry for help, signalling that your child needs a bit more family time and attention from their parents. It's important to remember that raising naughty kids is not an indication of bad parenting, a lot of the time this kind of behaviour is just part of growing up. If you're dealing with a problem seven-year-old, check out this piece on &nbsp;<a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/7-year-old-tantrums-how-to-help-them-and-you-through-it" target="_blank">7-year-old tantrums</a>, or take a look at these <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/negative-behavior-traits-in-children-and-how-to-help" target="_blank">negative behaviour traits</a> your child might be exhibiting for more information and guidance.<h2 data-header-link="Should I Be Worried About My Child's Behaviour?">Should I Be Worried About My Child's Behaviour?</h2><figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:2254px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/609a076a67060be52c4cd59c-there-is-a-difference-between-cheeky-and-naughty-behaviour.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="There is a difference between cheeky and naughty behaviour." width="2254" height="1500" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_609a076a67060be52c4cd59c-there-is-a-difference-between-cheeky-and-naughty-behaviour.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_609a076a67060be52c4cd59c-there-is-a-difference-between-cheeky-and-naughty-behaviour.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_609a076a67060be52c4cd59c-there-is-a-difference-between-cheeky-and-naughty-behaviour.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_609a076a67060be52c4cd59c-there-is-a-difference-between-cheeky-and-naughty-behaviour.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/609a076a67060be52c4cd59c-there-is-a-difference-between-cheeky-and-naughty-behaviour.jpeg 2254w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>There are all sorts of reasons why children act naughty from time to time, and most naughty behaviour is a perfectly natural part of your child growing up.A lot of the so-called naughtiness that we're dealing with is actually caused by a lack of development in the self-control area of children's brains. This matures over the course of their childhood and teenage years, which can result in younger kids not being able to control their impulses, and acting against our requests. You know when you ask them not to do something, and it's like they can't stop themselves doing it anyway? That's what we're talking about. Kids can act out because they are reacting to your mood. They might also just be looking for a little bit more attention, especially if you've been distracted. Children thrive on laughter and play, and acting silly might just be their misguided attempt to engage you in some playtime. Make a point of dedicating set times to hanging out with your child every day, and you might be surprised at how much that benefits them and stops them from being naughty. In a lot of cases, children just need to burn off energy, and this translates as naughty behaviour.Sometimes younger children will have tantrums when they're in social situations, and their behaviour is much better at home. It may be the case that they are feeling overstimulated in these situations and are struggling to cope. It's important to balance fun and energetic time with some calm downtime to make sure your child has time to rest and relax. It might be the case that your naughty child is actually just feeling hungry, tired or sick, and doesn't know how to deal with that feeling. Make sure you keep an eye on your child's physical needs so that you can tackle any naughty behaviour that could be squashed by a snack or a nap. Sometimes (not always) it really can be that easy. Especially if your child is experiencing inconsistency in their routines for one reason or another, it's really important to make sure you keep their routine as stable as possible.At times, the behaviour that we perceive to be naughty is actually just our child dealing with big emotions. As we grow up, we learn what is and isn't appropriate to do when we feel different emotions, and kids that scream and cry haven't learnt that yet. In parenting, it's important for us to recognise when our child is dealing with overwhelming emotions and treat that in a calm and understanding manner. If we encourage them to suppress or hide these feelings, this could lead to far bigger problems for them down the line.If you feel as though your family is struggling with your child's moods and tantrums, and your misbehaving child is pushing you to your limits where you're struggling to cope, it's probably time to bring in some extra support. Seeing a specialist could support you with working out if they have ADHD and will give you and your child some coping techniques to make things a little bit easier to deal with at home. Getting help with your child's behaviour might seem like a last resort, but it might be the best thing you ever do for your family.<h2 data-header-link="Our 11 Top Tips For Bad Behaviour">Our 11 Top Tips For Bad Behaviour</h2><figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:2250px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/609a07afef837e3a3364a3eb-one-childs-behaviour-can-affect-the-whole-family.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="One child's behaviour can affect the whole family at home" width="2250" height="1500" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_609a07afef837e3a3364a3eb-one-childs-behaviour-can-affect-the-whole-family.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_609a07afef837e3a3364a3eb-one-childs-behaviour-can-affect-the-whole-family.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_609a07afef837e3a3364a3eb-one-childs-behaviour-can-affect-the-whole-family.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_609a07afef837e3a3364a3eb-one-childs-behaviour-can-affect-the-whole-family.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/609a07afef837e3a3364a3eb-one-childs-behaviour-can-affect-the-whole-family.jpeg 2250w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>We've pulled together a list of our top tips for how to deal with a naughty child from parents that have been through it all.1. Be clear and consistent in your actions. Try to stick to any boundaries or rules so that you don't confuse your child, especially when they're young. When you mean no, make sure you vocalise your, 'no' straight away, to make it clear that there isn't room for your child to negotiate. If you give in to their tantrums or tears sometimes but not always, it can make them a lot more likely to feel confused and engage in naughty behaviour. 2. Teach your child, don't punish them. Think about the last time someone shouted at you. It probably didn't make you feel like you were loved and supported by that person, did it? Chances are, your child is going to benefit far more from positive reinforcement of the things they do well than negative reinforcement of the things they get wrong. Try reinforcing the good behaviour you're looking for with praise to help children learn how to behave. A lot of the time, punishment can make things worse and cause your child to lash out, especially if they don't understand what they're being punished for. 3. Give your child attention whenever you can. If the adults in your child's life have been distracted, and you've noticed their behaviour getting worse at the same time, then it might be time to take a slightly more active role in showing your child some love. A lot of the time, naughty children are just trying to get their parents to spend time with them, and acting out is the only thing you respond to when your mind is on other things. Consciously making the effort to listen to your kids can make a world of difference to them, and stop them from reverting to naughtiness to make you notice them.4. Limit screen time. It can be tempting to stick naughty kids in front of the TV to have a moment's break, but the more time children spend staring at a TV or computer screen, the more they're likely to feel burnt out and need to let off steam. Try to have a cut-off time after an hour or two, and make sure you stay consistent in your rules so they know where they stand.5. Ditch the shouting. When you can, anyway (we won't blame you for the occasional slip up). Try to teach responsibility for your child's actions, and make the consequences clear. When adults show their anger with shouting, all that happens is that children learn that shouting is acceptable, and you're likely to deal with a lot more raised voices from them in the future.6. Say no firmly, and say it straight away. If a parent has made a rule, it's important to stick to it. When you show that you can be persuaded sometimes, you lose that sense of authority, and it can be harder to discipline your kids the next time they try to do something against the rules.7. Support your child's independence. Kids can often lash out because they're looking for ways to be their own person, and giving them opportunities to be independent can be a great way for parents to give their kids the opportunity to feel more in control. Letting a younger child choose their outfits or what they have for dinner are good ways for them to demonstrate their independence, and letting younger kids help you with 'grown-up' tasks will show them that you see them as an equal, and make them more likely to want to show you that they're grown up too.8. Make consequences clear. Punishment and shouting can feel like the right thing to do to stop children from behaving wrongly in the future, but when kids don't recognise the consequences of their behaviour, they tend to carry on doing those things we don't want them to do. Explaining why their behaviour was wrong, and what will happen because of that behaviour is a better way to help young kids understand why they shouldn't do some things. If you give your child a negative consequence every time they break a rule, they will start to understand that bad things happen when they misbehave, and it should help them to start thinking twice before doing naughty things.9. Set clear limits. Children aren't so good at recognising their own needs, and that's where the role of the parent comes in. If you offer your child a bag of sweets and tell them to help themself, then don't be surprised if they eat every last one, even if it makes them sick. An important part of parenting is setting those limits for kids while they're still learning how to set them for themselves, and if you make them clear from the start, it will help your child to make better decisions as they get older.10. It's not your job to fix their mistakes. Parents can be tempted to sort things out for their children after they do something naughty. It's important for a parent to teach their child that different actions will lead to different reactions outside the house. If they decide not to do their school work, let them get a bad grade, don't try to help them do it in the morning. It's an act of love to let your kids learn the hard way while they're young, it is much better than having to learn it when they're adults!11. Stay strong during tantrums. As parents, sometimes all we want to do is stop our children from screaming at us. Is that really so wrong? It turns out that it actually is. Giving in to tantrums will tell your child that screaming louder gets the results they want. You might stop the tears for now, but don't be surprised if they come back later in full force. If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at what to do if a <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/my-3-year-old-behavior-is-out-of-control-what-now" target="_blank">three-year-old's behaviour is out of control</a> or our guide to <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/table-manners-for-kids-our-favorite-ways-to-make-it-fun" target="_blank">table manners for kids</a>?

This article will help tackle the behaviour of a naughty child.

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Our guide to how to handle your naughty child, even when nothing seems like it's working and you're ready to give up and let them do what they want.

Your Naughty Child: Our Top 11 Helpful Tips 

Is your 7-year-old experiencing tantrums?When people see older children have a tantrum, they may see them as acting up or spoiled but the truth isn’t that straightforward, tantrums are a complex behavior, and they happen for a reason. What’s more, it’s important to know the difference between an emotional meltdown and whether you should teach discipline vs punishment to your child.Generally, as children grow older, they develop the language skills needed to express feelings such as anger and frustration verbally. They learn how to regulate their emotions successfully and how to barter for what they want. Many kids learn how to manage challenging emotions and cope with disappointments such as losing games or an unexpected change in plans. Though some children take longer than others to learn these skills, it’s not uncommon for 7-year-olds to persist with tantrums. This can result in highly emotionally charged situations for yourself and your child. It’s important to recognize that some kids may be having a tough time learning self-control and how to manage anxiety. These and other reasons that we will explain here can lead to tantrums in older children. We will also look at how you can help navigate them in a calming way, for both you and your child.For more parenting advice and tips, check out our guide to <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/discipline-vs-punishment-does-the-difference-matter" target="_blank">discipline vs punishment</a> and how to handle an <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/dealing-with-an-emotional-meltdown-not-just-a-tantrum" target="_blank">emotional meltdown</a>‍<h2 data-header-link="Why Does A 7 Year Old Throw Tantrums?">Why Does A 7 Year Old Throw Tantrums? </h2>There are many reasons why 7-year-olds throw tantrums, and generally, they are a sign your child is having a tough time with certain things, such as behavior, learning, or both. Tantrums are a very normal reaction to anger or frustration and are often within your child’s control. On the other hand, emotional meltdowns are a very different scenario and are a behavior that is not within your child’s control. They are usually a result of overstimulation of the sensory system. Many people often confuse tantrum and emotional meltdowns with each other, so ensure you know the difference to effectively help your child. Although clinginess might come to mind, tantrums could also be indicative of anxiety in children. This all comes down to how the human brain is wired. You may have heard of the fight or flight response; anxiety occurs when an area of the brain called the amygdala senses danger. It could be an imagined or real threat, and the body responds with a rush of hormones to make the body react. This is an entirely natural response that’s kept us alive for thousands of years. An anxious brain is healthy, but senses the threat more frequently, resulting in anxiety. Many people feel that the most difficult thing about having anxiety is when the body reacts with little warning and goes into flight or fight mode. When it comes to kids, any new or challenging situation can be considered a potential threat to their growing brains. This response happens automatically, sending hormones throughout the body, preparing them for fight or flight survival mode, and yes, you guessed it, a tantrum! Another reason children endure temper tantrums is due to emotional regulation. All children have different environmental triggers. To put it simply, this means they can feel stronger emotions due to the environment around them. This may come down to character and personality traits, and it means that some children are more likely to experience a highly charged emotional outburst than others.Seeking attention can also be a factor why your child may seem so angry. All children require attention, and if they feel they are unable to get what they want through showing positive behavior, they can resort to negative behaviors to settle their needs. Think about the classic, familiar shopping scenario where they have spotted something they want on a shelf they can’t have! Attention-seeking behavior is very normal for children aged 3-7, as they find it difficult to understand the difference between needs and wants.Temper tantrums can also be a sign your child is having difficulty putting complex emotions and feelings into words. For example, if your child finds school work very tricky, they may resort to a temper tantrum to avoid a particular homework scenario. For some children tantrums may be a coping mechanism. That’s why it’s important to understand the triggers of this behavior so that you can support your child in learning how to manage best.<h2 data-header-link="How To Deal With 7 Year Old Tantrums">How To Deal With 7 Year Old Tantrums </h2>First of all, stop whatever you are doing and try and get your child to a safe place if possible. Acknowledge and recognize the feeling with your child, do your best to keep a calm voice. You could say something such as, “I know you are angry the party is canceled, don’t worry, let’s find something else fun to do later instead”. Saying there’s nothing you can do about it won’t help, nor will any negative talk. Let your little one know that you understand what they are experiencing and will help them through it. This is known as validating their feelings.Be clear and consistent and avoid any threats with your child. For example, saying “Stop screaming else we are going home” over and over to your daughter, without going home will teach her that you do not mean what you are saying. &nbsp;As parents, it can be tempting to want to find the easiest solution to end the tantrum. &nbsp;But remember, bribing children in the heat of the moment with a reward sends out the wrong message, which will result in more tantrums next time. Keep an eye out for any potential triggers which could have caused an upset temper tantrum. This will help you to digest what’s going on, and recognize whether it is a tantrum or emotional meltdown your child is experiencing. It could be a particular time of the day, or them showing avoidance of going to school, bath time, or another step in the daily routine for your child. Do your best to understand when they may be exhausted, for example, if they are very tired it might not be the best time to rush them out the door to go to the supermarket.Another strategy is to ignore your child's tantrum by looking in a different direction and pretend you do not hear the commotion. This is often an effective way to stop a temper tantrum in its tracks. Then once your child is calm, you can reflect with them about what happened and console them. Overloading kids with commands and explaining the lesson while they are in a heightened emotional state is fruitless. Of course, if the reason they are having a tantrum is a genuinely sad event in your child's life, you can cuddle them sooner, but think about when to give affection as you don’t want to reinforce negative behavior. Once they are calm, you can also explain to your child some simple strategies about staying calm if they are feeling angry, such as counting to five or taking a deep breath. Teach other calming tips including thinking of a positive happy place or experience and talk to them about what happened in a calming way about how these feelings can be managed if they occur again.<figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:1050px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/607991c4cc22c4a014a37a4f-do-your-best-to-ignore-looks-and-comments-from-others-if-you-are-in-a-public-place.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Do your best to ignore looks and comments from others if you are in a public place" width="1050" height="700" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_607991c4cc22c4a014a37a4f-do-your-best-to-ignore-looks-and-comments-from-others-if-you-are-in-a-public-place.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_607991c4cc22c4a014a37a4f-do-your-best-to-ignore-looks-and-comments-from-others-if-you-are-in-a-public-place.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_607991c4cc22c4a014a37a4f-do-your-best-to-ignore-looks-and-comments-from-others-if-you-are-in-a-public-place.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_607991c4cc22c4a014a37a4f-do-your-best-to-ignore-looks-and-comments-from-others-if-you-are-in-a-public-place.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/607991c4cc22c4a014a37a4f-do-your-best-to-ignore-looks-and-comments-from-others-if-you-are-in-a-public-place.jpeg 1050w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>Don’t forget yourself in the process of parenting your kids. We know temper tantrums can also be highly stressful for you as a parent, especially if you’re alone and in a public place where you might feel all eyes are on you. Do your best to ignore looks and comments from those passing by and focus on yourself and your son or daughter. It’s essential to take care of your well-being while managing your child’s tantrums or meltdowns. First things first, acknowledge to yourself that this is just your upset child’s way of letting off steam to you as a parent. This helps take the pressure off the situation, and you should feel more calm once you tell yourself this. There are many aspects to your child’s life you can control, but feelings are not one of them. We can’t wave a special magic wand and fix it once your child is in an upset tantrum mode, but we can be there for them and let them know that we understand it’s tough and offer empathy. This leads us to acceptance of the scenario. So, when the temper tantrum is in motion, take a deep breath, accept it is happening and a part of parenting.Remind yourself that your child sharing these deep emotions with you is ultimately because they feel safe sharing and trusting these big feelings with you. That’s why they often save the biggest temper tantrums just for the closest caregivers. While that’s not fun when you're in your position, try to reflect and use the time to connect with your child emotionally.If the tantrum is a demand, try your utmost not to give in to your upset child, as this will only lead to more enormous and more dramatic temper tantrums next time round. If you are feeling it is getting too much for you to manage to be around, ensure your child is safe, and then take a step back and ignore your child. If you find it difficult to keep yourself calm, sometimes a change of face can help de-escalate the situation, such as swapping over with another parent or caregiver, though be mindful that this does not serve as a reward to your kid's negative behavior.There are some ways you can support your child to learn more and help to reduce tantrum behavior, such as offering them control over choices. For example, you could say "Do you want water or milk?". This way you are not saying have a drink right now and are giving them an element of control. The same goes for parts of the daily routine, instead of "Can you brush your teeth now?", &nbsp;instead try "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after reading a bedtime book?". Using choices helps to reduce confrontational situations which may just result in an outright "No!" response from your child. &nbsp;When it comes to trying to prevent a tantrum next time, do reflect carefully on what could be done next time if this situation arises to support both you and your son or daughter.<figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:1051px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/607991ef7e342d7ccb089929-giving-your-child-control-by-offering-choices-helps-reduce-tantrums-and-build-bonds.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Giving your child control by offering choices helps reduce tantrums and build bonds." width="1051" height="701" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_607991ef7e342d7ccb089929-giving-your-child-control-by-offering-choices-helps-reduce-tantrums-and-build-bonds.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_607991ef7e342d7ccb089929-giving-your-child-control-by-offering-choices-helps-reduce-tantrums-and-build-bonds.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_607991ef7e342d7ccb089929-giving-your-child-control-by-offering-choices-helps-reduce-tantrums-and-build-bonds.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_607991ef7e342d7ccb089929-giving-your-child-control-by-offering-choices-helps-reduce-tantrums-and-build-bonds.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/607991ef7e342d7ccb089929-giving-your-child-control-by-offering-choices-helps-reduce-tantrums-and-build-bonds.jpeg 1051w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure><h2 data-header-link="When To Worry About Tantrums">When To Worry About Tantrums </h2>You might be feeling like your child is always angry. But at what point do these exceed the usual childhood temper tantrums and require expert help? Be aware of tantrums that disrupt your daily life and cause conflicts with your family or if others are reporting to you, such as their school teacher, that your child is out of control. Suppose your child’s angry outbursts are a danger to themselves or others, or their persistent behavior results in social exclusions (such as classroom punishments or not being invited to parties as other children fear them). In that case, it may be a reason to seek professional guidance for your child. &nbsp;Temper tantrums could also be a sign of anxiety or past trauma. Additionally, tantrum behavior is commonly associated with several conditions, such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), or Autism. You can talk to a psychologist to further comprehend your child’s needs and emotions if you are concerned about their behavior level. Note that this does not necessarily mean your child has a specific condition, they may just need some support with managing anger. Anger issues in child development can be resolved with various therapies, such as counseling or play therapy, and some can even occur in school. Speaking to a psychologist will help you to understand the best way to support your child. There are also a number of parenting groups that can help you to learn additional skills for managing emotions.If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at our guide to <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/why-manners-matter-and-how-to-teach-them-to-your-kids" target="_blank">why manners matter</a>, or some <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/parenting-strategies-for-difficult-children-our-top-tips" target="_blank">parenting strategies for difficult children</a> too?

Tantrums can be emotionally draining for both you and your child.

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Are you experiencing 7 year old tantrums? Learn how to navigate this challenging scenario for both you and your child with our guide on how to manage.

7 Year Old Tantrums: How To Help Them (And You) Through It

Do you think discipline and punishments are both the same thing?This is a common misconception! Many parents use these terms interchangeably, but there’s a considerable difference between the two.So what is the difference between discipline and punishment? In essence, the definition of discipline is all about teaching your child to make a better choice next time and guiding their behavior to avoid consequences. Punishment focuses more on ensuring a child pays a consequence for whatever they did that was out of line. An easy way to remember is that punishment is about inflicting suffering on a child because of a past event and hopes to change future behavior this way. The approach of discipline looks at the future by teaching rules and showing a child how they can shape their behavior next time. With discipline, a child will understand what lead them to the consequences and won't be left wondering what they did wrong.Should you be looking to learn more about which approach to take with your child, and what the impact will be, you can read this guide about whether you should discipline or punish. If you found this topic insightful, be sure to browse our other informative parenting features such as this guide to helping your child deal with an <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/dealing-with-an-emotional-meltdown-not-just-a-tantrum" target="_blank">emotional meltdown</a> or these tips and guidance on [habit reversal training].‍<h2 data-header-link="Difference Between Discipline And Punishment">Difference Between Discipline And Punishment </h2><figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:640px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/6052d8f421be9115f4f1cb92-discipline-gives-children-the-tools-they-need-to-change-their-behavior.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Discipline gives children the tools they need to change their behavior" width="640" height="427" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_6052d8f421be9115f4f1cb92-discipline-gives-children-the-tools-they-need-to-change-their-behavior.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_6052d8f421be9115f4f1cb92-discipline-gives-children-the-tools-they-need-to-change-their-behavior.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/6052d8f421be9115f4f1cb92-discipline-gives-children-the-tools-they-need-to-change-their-behavior.jpeg 640w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>The best way to define discipline is to consider it as an effective approach that enables children to change their behavior. It gives children the essential tools they need to learn how to control themselves. There are both negative disciplines, such as a time out after several warnings, and positive disciplines such as verbal praise or a reward for good behavior. Discipline shows children how they can manage their emotions effectively and focuses on the solution to their behavior. It’s important to be kind and firm when using positive or negative discipline. Discipline also enables a child to learn boundaries and social and life skills such as respect for others, responsibility for themselves, and a sense of connection.Punishment is a type of negative consequence that lacks the effective “how to” part or explanation to teach the child what to do. &nbsp;Another word for punishment is penalizing. Punishments can include shouting, hitting, or getting a child to suffer any form of humiliation or fear. Ultimately a punishment does not show a child how to behave, and it can result in detrimental psychological effects on your child. Punishment is often a drastic measure used by parents to end or get rid of a behavior. In many cases, instead of a child reflecting on what they did wrong, punishment can cause friction in your family, and instead, they may be thinking about how to get revenge or avoid getting caught next time. You might have heard adults say, “well, back in my day, it wasn’t like this, and I turned out fine.” These adults are to be considered lucky if so, as research has found lots of negative aspects to having received harsh punishment to achieve good behavior in childhood.<h2 data-header-link="Which One Works Better For Children?">Which One Works Better For Children? </h2>You may already know a bit about parenting styles and how this affects your family decisions. There are many types of parenting styles when it comes to punishment and discipline. However, research by J Howenstein, A Kumar, PS Casamassimo, D Mctigue, D Coury, and H Yin in 2015 found that authoritarian parents are most likely to punish kids. Authoritarian parents are typically very strict, and they expect their kids to follow the rules and order without any room for compromise. Positive discipline falls under an authoritative parenting approach instead; this emphasizes how to teach effective communication and problem-solving. More and more research shows discipline methods are better than serving a bad punishment.If you shout at your kid to “stop right now, else no TV for you today!” you might be fast to react and serve the consequence, and it’s a typical reaction if you are feeling stressed or frustrated, but research shows us this is unlikely to create any changes in your child's bad behavior in the long run. The same goes if you punish your child physically, for example by hitting your child in response to them hitting a peer. Research by MJ Mackenzie, E Nicklas, J Waldfogel, and J Brooks-Gunn into spanking and child development in 2013 found children do not learn how to resolve this conflict and instead end up feeling confusion and fear from their parents. In addition, punishments teach children that they are not able to control themselves and that someone must take control of them. Severe punishment also leads to low self-esteem in many children. Instead of thinking about how they made a poor choice, it results in them feeling like they are a bad person.It’s also important to consider the impact of yelling at your child. Research by C.R. Solomon and F Serres in 1999 found that aggressively bad behavior and shouting at your children is also likely to negatively affect your child’s self-esteem and even their school grades.<figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:640px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/6052d91244def11d4b2d9179-yelling-at-your-child-is-likely-to-negatively-affect-your-childs-self-esteem.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Yelling at your child is likely to negatively affect your child's self-esteem." width="640" height="427" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_6052d91244def11d4b2d9179-yelling-at-your-child-is-likely-to-negatively-affect-your-childs-self-esteem.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_6052d91244def11d4b2d9179-yelling-at-your-child-is-likely-to-negatively-affect-your-childs-self-esteem.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/6052d91244def11d4b2d9179-yelling-at-your-child-is-likely-to-negatively-affect-your-childs-self-esteem.jpeg 640w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>There’s a continuously growing pool of research that indicates that using discipline is better than using punishment. That means using a kind but firm, positive and negative balance of consequences and not any punishment or yelling. When it comes to discipline, using a combination of positive and negative behavior consequences with kids has been found to reduce “socially risky” misbehavior in many studies. Interestingly V Battistich's research at Pennsylvania State University in 1999 also linked this to better academic achievements and the likelihood of your child improving in their social environment.You could be wondering what to do about making a child feel “sorry” for their misbehavior. It’s not a good idea to force a child to say sorry without any explanation. Often adults insist children say sorry to one another for a squabble, and very often, that’s where the discipline conversation stops. This is teaching kids that saying sorry is something we have to do when someone in power makes us do so. Ultimately it leads to resistance which can grow into our lives as adults. Instead, an effective conversation needs to be held about why the action was hurtful, what they can do to address any hurt caused to the other person, and how it could be prevented again.<h2 data-header-link="Discipline Vs Punishment Examples">Discipline vs Punishment Examples </h2> Here are some examples of punishment and discipline responses.Scenario 1A child is jumping excessively on the couch.Punishment: A parent may say, “You need to stop doing jumping right away; it’s wrong.”Kids Learn: They learn they can’t control their own actions independently. Their behavior has to be to be managed by you or someone else. They learn being careful not to get caught is more important than changing what they’re doing.Discipline: A parent may say, “Jumping on the couch is dangerous. I would be really sad if you hurt yourself. Look, you can jump here on this cushion in the corner.”Kids Learn: They can control their own actions and manage their behavior through self-control. They are learning they will need to make changes to this behavior if they want to prevent any consequences. They understand why it’s not a good idea to jump on the couch.Scenario 2Two children are squabbling over a toy and not sharing, one of them pushes the other over, and they are arguing with one another.Punishment: A parent may shout, “You two, stop it right now; else, you are not going to the park.” Kids Learn: Shouting might work in the heat of the moment, but it doesn’t explain to either of them how to remediate the situation should it arise again in the future.Discipline: A parent may say, "I am going to take this toy away now, Adam, breathe deeply and tell your sister how you are feeling, Nicole, listen to Adam." Then, "Nicole, it’s your turn to explain your emotions to your brother." Then, "I know you are both upset. What could you two do next time to make sure this doesn’t happen?"Kids Learn: This allows the children to explain how they feel and time to calm down. By recognizing their feelings, you are also validating their feelings as real emotions. You are also providing the children with a question on how they could prevent the scenario next time.Scenario 3A child skateboards in the road after he has been told not to.Punishment: A parent may say, “Now, &nbsp;you have to do your sister’s household chores for two weeks in addition to your own.”Kids Learn: That they can do this again as long as they don't get caught and that you may be ruining any fun they were having. It doesn't help them with mastering self-control or learning the danger of their actions. Discipline: A parent may point out calmly that since he decided not to follow the rules, he cannot use his new skateboard for the rest of the afternoon. They calmly explain the dangers of his actions and where he could have skateboarded instead.Kids Learn: The child learns what steps resulted in the removal of the skateboard, and how to behave next time if they want to keep the skateboard, as well as learning about where to skate safely.If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at our [toddler behavior chart] or our guide to what to do if your child gets [expelled from school]?

There's a big difference to be aware of between discipline and punishment.

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Discipline vs punishment? What's the best approach for your child and does it matter? Take a look here to find out more.

Discipline vs Punishment: Does The Difference Matter? 

Imagine the scene: you see a child screaming, crying, and visibly upset in the supermarket.It could be an emotional meltdown or a temper tantrum, many parents mix up the two, and although they look very similar, they are very different. However, managing the situation depends on whether you are dealing with a tantrum or an emotional meltdown.In a nutshell, a tantrum frequently serves a purpose; children often look for a specific response or a reaction. An emotional meltdown is often a reaction to something and a sign of being overstimulated. Although the two may present very similarly when they start, emotional meltdowns are often beyond the child’s control. It’s important to identify the trigger to your child’s behavior immediately to help you understand if it is a tantrum or meltdown. If you are interested in additional tips for parents, such as considering whether to use [discipline vs punishment] or [habit reversal training], here at Kidadl, we have plenty of informative articles.Read on for our helpful guide to tantrums and meltdowns and how to handle them.‍<h2 data-header-link="What Is An Emotional Meltdown?">What Is An Emotional Meltdown?</h2>A &nbsp;meltdown is a full blow reaction to something and usually not within the individuals’ control. Many things can trigger a meltdown, and for many people, this occurs due to too much information coming from their senses. What’s more, they can also happen to adults and continue through life.<h2 data-header-link="Emotional Meltdown Symptoms">Emotional Meltdown Symptoms</h2>Here are some emotional meltdown symptoms to look out for in your child's behavior:They are shouting, extremely upset, screaming, or crying.They may be running away or showing a strong need to escape from the situation.They are showing a full-body reaction beyond their control.A panicked expression on their face and a look of feeling overwhelmed.They are not responding to verbal support or how others react.Needing time to recover after the meltdown to calm down.<h2 data-header-link="Why Do Kids Have Emotional Meltdowns?">Why Do Kids Have Emotional Meltdowns?</h2>A meltdown occurs when a child’s brain becomes overstimulated by certain sounds, smells, sights, feelings, or tastes. The sensory system becomes too overwhelmed to respond, it’s often known as sensory overload. Such intense feelings can manifest themselves in many ways, like the symptoms mentioned above. &nbsp;This is why kids have meltdowns and there can be many triggers.Meltdowns tend to finish in one of two ways: by the parent changing the sensory input or, secondly, by the child becoming exceptionally tired. Some children may crash and fall asleep. Other people start to retreat internally and become withdrawn as they starting to recover. &nbsp;<h2 data-header-link="Emotional Meltdown Vs Temper Tantrum">Emotional Meltdown vs Temper Tantrum </h2>Temper TantrumsYou may have heard of the term the “terrible twos”, a phase in a child’s development where tantrums are commonplace. Tantrums are often associated with younger children. Many young children do not have the communication skills to express their wants and needs fully, and they also lack the self-control required to keep their emotions in check. Toddler tantrums are an angry outburst, where a child may cry, be feeling overwhelmed with frustration, and hold their breath in some cases. Young kids often stamp their feet, scream, and protest, and as they develop, these episodes will reduce. Children usually have a level of control over them. They come to an end when the child gets what they want, or escapes what they are protesting against, or if they give up. It’s important to note that some kids keep these responses as they grow and even into adulthood, though more self-control is developed. Occasionally tantrums can escalate and turn into an emotional meltdown.<figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:640px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/605184d10d73fc6cdf3a4814-tempter-tantrums-can-present-very-similar-to-meltdowns.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Tempter tantrums can present very similar to meltdowns." width="640" height="427" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_605184d10d73fc6cdf3a4814-tempter-tantrums-can-present-very-similar-to-meltdowns.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_605184d10d73fc6cdf3a4814-tempter-tantrums-can-present-very-similar-to-meltdowns.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/605184d10d73fc6cdf3a4814-tempter-tantrums-can-present-very-similar-to-meltdowns.jpeg 640w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>Tantrum TriggersThe signs of a tantrum can look very similar to an emotional meltdown at the onset. It’s helpful to get a grasp of what’s causing the behavior and frustration quickly. It can help you diffuse a stressful situation and prevent it next time. Understanding the triggers also allows you to become empathetic to your child’s needs. Ask yourself as parents, is your kid trying to get something or express themselves? Are they frustrated? Are they trying to avoid something or someone? Are they seeking a reaction? Are they unable to get what they want or need?How to Respond To A TantrumHow you respond and manage a tantrum is very different to a meltdown. &nbsp;With a tantrum, recognize what the child wants without giving in. Acknowledge how they feel, do your best to understand their behavior, accept their frustrations and ensure they are safe. &nbsp;Keep calm and do not give a reaction or show any extreme emotions. Find a distraction for your kid, or wait for the behavior to stop. You may wish to consider a “yes” response depending on what the child is seeking. Emotional Meltdown Remember, emotional meltdowns are a reaction and beyond your child’s self-control. This is the primary difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. An emotional meltdown is your child feeling genuine distress.Meltdown TriggersQuickly try to assess what may be causing this outburst in your child. Many things may trigger an emotional meltdown in a child. Start by running through your environment’s five senses, such as sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Notice if there is anything that is impacting your kid. Is it too noisy? Too bright? Any strong smells? Too many people?<figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:640px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/5fc8f2b85f980c739d081100-best-baby-gadgets-that-youll-actually-use.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Consider the environment of your child, is it too overstimulating?" width="640" height="427" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_5fc8f2b85f980c739d081100-best-baby-gadgets-that-youll-actually-use.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_5fc8f2b85f980c739d081100-best-baby-gadgets-that-youll-actually-use.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/5fc8f2b85f980c739d081100-best-baby-gadgets-that-youll-actually-use.jpeg 640w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>How To Respond To An Emotional MeltdownHere are some top tips to help you manage an emotional meltdown:Do your best to identify triggers causing the meltdown and find out the need of what your child is seeking and the best way to satisfy it. Then try to remove all triggers and stress, such as bright lights, sounds, or smells. If necessary, remove the child from the environment. Identify a calm place nearby. Deep breathing strategies are often effective. If your child is familiar with them, gently remind them if they are in a position to accept verbal commands.It is important to respond with empathy as emotional meltdowns can be very traumatic for any child. Validate your child’s emotions and speak in a calm, gentle tone. Finally, once your child is safe, it is essential to take some time out for yourself. <h2 data-header-link="When Should You Worry About Meltdowns?">When Should You Worry About Meltdowns?</h2>If you are noticing specific patterns behind the meltdown, you should speak to a medical professional. This could be certain situations or scenarios which appear to be triggering your child. The same applies if you are concerned about their mental health or if they have endured any life trauma or major stress, seek advice. Emotional meltdowns are common in children with autism. An Autism meltdown is often a sign of a very overstimulated kid. For example, this could be entering a shopping mall where the sensory experience is overwhelming. Usually, children with autism may indicate a meltdown is approaching, perhaps by hitting their head with their hands, covering their ears, or hand flapping. There may be other indications a meltdown is on its way and that they are becoming frustrated. If your child is showing these signs of stress speak to a medical professional.Do note, autism isn’t the only diagnosis linked to meltdowns. It could also be a sensory processing or integration difficulty, amongst others. Do seek a professional opinion on how to manage your child and understand what is causing the behavior.If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at our [toddler behavior chart], or what to do if your child gets [expelled from school]?

It's important to identify if your child is having an emotional meltdown.

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Is your child having an emotional meltdown or are you dealing with a tantrum? Read our helpful guide to find out how to tell, and how to help.

Dealing With An Emotional Meltdown: Not Just A Tantrum 

There are consequences in every aspect of our adult life.We go to work to earn a paycheck, and if we don’t turn up, we know there will be a negative consequence. Children are not exempt, and you can help them understand the consequences.Your children are still navigating their way through life; they are bound to test boundaries and make mistakes. It’s part of the world of parenting to teach your child the “your actions have consequences” concept, whether that’s negative or positive behavioral consequences. You can show them that doing homework or helping with chores will result in something positive. Meanwhile, other undesirable behaviors, such as hitting a sibling, will result in a negative consequence. We know raising kids can be challenging. That’s why we have prepared various informative parenting articles such as what to do if you have a [teen shoplifter] on your hands or a guide to different <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/types-of-behavior-according-to-psychology-which-are-you" target="_blank">types of behavior</a> for you to have a look through. &nbsp;When it comes to your children’s consequences, ensure it’s a joint decision with you and other caregivers, and consider our pointers outlined below to help you get started.‍<h2 data-header-link="What Are The Main Types Of Consequences For Children That Are Misbehaving?">What Are The Main Types Of Consequences For Children That Are Misbehaving?</h2>There are many types of discipline which help children learn self-control and responsibility for their own actions. Discuss with your partner, family, and other caregivers what consequences and discipline would be appropriate, and ones which you can agree on implementing consistently. Research has shown that there are four main types of consequences of behavior. These are positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, positive punishment, and negative punishment.Any consequence must be consistent to be effective; else, you risk sending out mixed messages. &nbsp;Parents can often become confused with negative and positive consequences for their child or children. One easy way to remember the difference is that positive behavioral consequences focus more on proactive steps, and negative consequences are generally more reactive. While it’s a good idea to give positive consequences and reinforcement for the behaviors you want to see your children, you may have to resort to dishing out some negative consequences from time to time, whether that’s reducing TV time or a time out. It’s important as a parent that you implement both consequences when necessary. Using just one method is unlikely to be effective.<h2 data-header-link="Teaching Children That Actions Have Consequences">Teaching Children That Actions Have Consequences </h2>We know you might feel like the meanest parent ever dishing out a bad consequence, but ultimately you are helping your children learn how to control themselves and make the right decisions for their future. Try and remind yourself this if you are feeling guilty and remember that you are working hard to develop fair consequences. The type of consequences your family chooses to use will also depend on the age of your child. We must also remember there are natural consequences to some forms of bad behavior. For example, if your child doesn't bring home an important school book, they will learn themselves they have to work extra hard to catch up. All of these experiences and negative consequences, whilst unpleasant for the child at the time, will be teaching them an important lesson: that actions have consequences.Whatever consequences you choose, it’s important to know when to pick your battles and stand your ground. Try to master the firm but kind approach. You can give a consequence and see a change in their behavior without flying off the handle. This is made easier by making sure you think beforehand about what behavioral consequences to give. Irrational consequences can harm your relationship with your child, and you may end up regretting an overly stern consequence. Make sure you have a sleeve full of 'go to' consequences, so that you are prepared if an unexpected situation arises. It might help if you prepare a list of consequences for bad behavior. You can even share this with your child, which helps deflect any opposition once you give any consequence, as a rule, is there on paper. <h2 data-header-link="Negative Consequences">Negative Consequences </h2>When using negative consequences, make sure that the consequences you go for will deter your child’s bad behavior. For example, taking away a toy isn’t going to work if their sister has the same one that they can go and take. Equally, a child that doesn’t care about playing on a tablet won’t be bothered if you take it away. Therefore, a consequence that works for one child, won't necessarily be as effective for another. It’s also essential to remember not to reward negative behavior, as a failure to implement effective consequences can cause problematic behavior to escalate. Here are some top tips for implementing negative consequences and some examples of negative consequences. <figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:1050px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/604ee565c83a4aa9600e440a-consequence-for-a-younger-sibling-may-be-different-to-an-older-sibling.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="A consequence for a younger sibling may be different to an older sibling." width="1050" height="701" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_604ee565c83a4aa9600e440a-consequence-for-a-younger-sibling-may-be-different-to-an-older-sibling.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_604ee565c83a4aa9600e440a-consequence-for-a-younger-sibling-may-be-different-to-an-older-sibling.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_604ee565c83a4aa9600e440a-consequence-for-a-younger-sibling-may-be-different-to-an-older-sibling.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_604ee565c83a4aa9600e440a-consequence-for-a-younger-sibling-may-be-different-to-an-older-sibling.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/604ee565c83a4aa9600e440a-consequence-for-a-younger-sibling-may-be-different-to-an-older-sibling.jpeg 1050w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>Avoid YellingUnfortunately, there are many psychological effects of yelling at a child. Research indicates children who are shouted at more frequently grow up to be more aggressive than their counterparts. What’s more, children mirror adults, and in the long run, they are more likely to end up yelling back at you. We know from research that yelling also contributes to anxiety and low self-esteem in children and increase the likelihood of bullying behavior among peers. Logical ConsequencesYou may have heard the term logical consequences before. It is one of three main types of consequences (logical, natural, and problem-solving). These are fair consequences and involve your child understanding what they have done to earn the given measure. One example could be if your child’s carelessness has caused them to break a favorite toy. A logical consequence means they would have to save their allowance until they can rebuy it. Ignoring ThemAt times withdrawing your attention and communication may be the best negative consequence for deterring attention-seeking behaviors. For example, if your child is throwing a tantrum, make sure they are safe and then remove yourself from the situation. You can pretend to ignore them and do not respond verbally.Time OutWhatever time out system you and your family agree upon, sometimes it may be the only discipline option for your child. Sending your child to time out may prevent them from repeating the behavior, it allows them to digest the situation and what they may have said or done.Added Chores Or DutiesAnother practical consequence for your child is assigning an extra chore or duty. If your child usually washes the dishes, the consequence could be that tonight they have to dry and put them away as well. This also supports your child with learning about responsibility as they grow older.A Negative ScenarioIf you are in a situation where your children are arguing over a toy, there are several types of consequences that you can implement, a simple one is taking away the toy in question. This gives your child time to think and change their behavior. Try to teach rules to your child for such a scenario. You could also separate the children until they can show that they are able to play nicely. Another option is to help them find another game or toy to play with, as this enables the focus to shift to working together rather than arguing.<h2 data-header-link="Positive Consequences">Positive Consequences </h2>Children need to learn that there will be consequences for making good choices and not just bad ones. Offering the chance for your child to earn rewards is an excellent example of positive consequences. There are three main types of positive consequences. <figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:1050px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/604ee582ef825fc4479476f7-positive-and-negative-consequences-are-important-for-your-childs-development.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Positive consequences are just as important as negative ones for your child's development." width="1050" height="700" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_604ee582ef825fc4479476f7-positive-and-negative-consequences-are-important-for-your-childs-development.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_604ee582ef825fc4479476f7-positive-and-negative-consequences-are-important-for-your-childs-development.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_604ee582ef825fc4479476f7-positive-and-negative-consequences-are-important-for-your-childs-development.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_604ee582ef825fc4479476f7-positive-and-negative-consequences-are-important-for-your-childs-development.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/604ee582ef825fc4479476f7-positive-and-negative-consequences-are-important-for-your-childs-development.jpeg 1050w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>Positive AttentionCommunication is important. Try to talk to your child positively, play with them and give them the one-on-one time that they are seeking from you. Acknowledge your child and motivate them to keep up the great work they are doing. PraiseThis doesn’t mean always telling your child how great they are, but sentences such as “I really like the way you are tidying your books today”, and “you have been very kind to your sister today” are all forms of praise. Tangible RewardsToken economy systems can be a brilliant way to reinforce and learn good behavior. Offering small rewards like happy face stickers or stars will help your child develop and change the internal motivation required to do it independently. It might not sound appropriate for an older child or teen, but one idea is to set a list of realistic goals, and when three goals are achieved, they can receive their reward.Think about social consequences for your older child. &nbsp;It could be that you want them to come home by a specific time on three nights out of five, and doing so means that they will get to use your car for social reasons the following day.For a four-year-old, keep it very visual with a token board with five stars or stickers to collect. The younger the child, the more important it is to try not to drag out the collecting process as it may become too abstract for them to comprehend. For example, for every three minutes of “no throwing”, they could get a token, and once they reach five tokens, they get the reward, and you have helped reshape a negative behavior. Of course, you can offer more significant rewards to your child, like an outing in the near future with your family, or something they have wished for a long time. If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at our guide to different [types of punishment] or the [value of discipline]?

It's part of parenting to teach your child about consequences.

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What are the main types of consequences for children that are misbehaving? Here some great ideas for both positive and negative consequences

What Are The Main Types Of Consequences For Children That Are Misbehaving?

In between the toddler tantrums, the millionth time of picking up toys, and the never-ending pile of laundry, what are your children seeing you do they may eventually do themselves?It's easy to get absorbed in the daily humdrum, but being a positive role model for your child can help them instill good habits from a young age and develop a lasting healthy lifestyle. Many believe that what children see, children do, and it is important to understand the significance of this.Your children see how you handle stress, they watch how you deal with other people, and they see first hand how you cope with your feelings and the impact. It's true, children see children do. &nbsp;First things first, nobody is expecting you to be perfect 24/7. We know that role modeling positive behavior is much easier than done, but there are some real do's and don'ts when it comes to how you can create a positive influence and environment around your child. So read on for some tips about how to take the idea of children see children learn to do to your advantage! For more parenting tips, find out what to do if your <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/my-3-year-old-behavior-is-out-of-control-what-now" target="_blank">3-year-old's behavior is out of control</a> and explore the idea of [child models] here.<h2 data-header-link="Children See, Children Do: What Does This Mean?">Children See, Children Do: What Does This Mean?</h2>The psychology behind children see children do all comes down to modeling; though just because they saw another child break a pencil doesn't mean they will break a pencil too. Children are continuously learning about the behavioral choices of others, as well as the consequences. Not all children do what they see, it depends a lot on the reinforcement for a particular behavior as well as other factors, (just look up the famous Bobo doll, children see children do, psychology study!)<h2 data-header-link="Behaviors To Show Around Your Children">Behaviors To Show Around Your Children</h2>Breaking habits isn't easy. Here are a few top tips to get you started with positive behaviors.Positive LanguageUse a friendly tone and make the switch to using positive language. Many parents think this means always praising a child. In fact, this means avoiding negative phrases such as telling a child what they shouldn't do but what they can do instead. Negative language often leaves children confused about what they shouldn't do. For example, instead of saying "don't climb on the windowsill", you could say "be sure to keep your feet on the ground" to give them a precise direction.Show Respect And Empathy SkillsAllow your child to see you being thoughtful and kind to others. Every parent wants kids who are considerate and kind to others. Be respectful to friends, strangers in shops, and waiting staff, and you can bet your bottom dollar your children will do the same. Remember that those, please and thank yous your parents hammered home to you as a child, really do go a long way. Researchers have also found that teaching children to be more empathetic to others reduces the likelihood of them becoming a bully.Tackle The Tech With Your ChildrenMost parents and caregivers worry a great deal about the amount of screen time their children are getting and its impact. Whether it's compelling games, songs and children's programs, or social media for your teen, think about your usage. Are you always glued to your mobile? Even though you may have to work continuously, try and create tech-free zones, and times within your household routine. This is a great idea for both you as parents, and your child.<figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:1050px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/6041b0ae3da08675c9049fad-try-to-create-tech-free-zones-and-times-within-your-household.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Try to create tech free-zones and times within your household." width="1050" height="700" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_6041b0ae3da08675c9049fad-try-to-create-tech-free-zones-and-times-within-your-household.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_6041b0ae3da08675c9049fad-try-to-create-tech-free-zones-and-times-within-your-household.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_6041b0ae3da08675c9049fad-try-to-create-tech-free-zones-and-times-within-your-household.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_6041b0ae3da08675c9049fad-try-to-create-tech-free-zones-and-times-within-your-household.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/6041b0ae3da08675c9049fad-try-to-create-tech-free-zones-and-times-within-your-household.jpeg 1050w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>Have A Good Working AttitudeIf your children see you lie about being late to work, constantly moan about your boss and co-workers and not give a second hoot about your job, consider how your work ethic might be influencing them. Whether you head off to the office each day or you stay at home, enable your children to see you working. Involving your children with chores is a great way to sow the seeds of a fruitful work ethic.Try To VolunteerFrom cleanups to animal shelters, to checking in on your elderly neighbors, when you volunteer, you're showing your child actions to take care of the world and the community around them. Not all charity means giving hours of your time; you can decide with your children which toys to pass on to other children in need or donate supplies to food banks. Ultimately what you're modeling is that giving back to others is a brilliant way to make the world a better place to live and that we all have a part in this.That Old Healthy Lifestyle ClassicWe know, we know, you've probably heard this a million times before, but when you exercise frequently and eat well, you are providing a fantastic example for your children. What's more, by trying your best to live healthily as a family, you can help reduce the likelihood of childhood-related obesity. Explain Social Communication SkillsTurn-taking, listening, asking for help if you don't understand are all excellent social skills that we need lifelong. Show your children ways to manage their emotions, like losing graciously or winning without being boastful. Talk to them about your feelings, both good and not so good, and advise them to open up and do the same. Some good lines include "I am sad because..." and explain why and ways to reason out emotions with your child, instead of acting out.<h2 data-header-link="Behaviors To Avoid Showing Around Your Children">Behaviors To Avoid Showing Around Your Children</h2>When it comes to things to avoid, you and your partner may not even realize you are demonstrating some negative actions to your children. Perhaps you spend all night watching TV but tell your child to read more. Maybe you bite your nails but tell your little ones not to put their fingers in their mouths. Start by looking at what you say and what you do to see if there are any significant differences. The Fine Line With FoodIt's important as parents find a balance with food. As much as grabbing a take-out every night isn't great for any parent or child, neither is having a highly restrictive or unhealthy attitude related to food. Obsessing about your body image or your child's can do more harm than good and even result in self-esteem issues. <figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:1047px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/6041b0cd7558c03250db59c4-its-important-to-find-a-balance-with-your-attitude-towards-food.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="It's important to find a balance with your attitude towards food." width="1047" height="701" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_6041b0cd7558c03250db59c4-its-important-to-find-a-balance-with-your-attitude-towards-food.jpeg 233w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_6041b0cd7558c03250db59c4-its-important-to-find-a-balance-with-your-attitude-towards-food.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_6041b0cd7558c03250db59c4-its-important-to-find-a-balance-with-your-attitude-towards-food.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_6041b0cd7558c03250db59c4-its-important-to-find-a-balance-with-your-attitude-towards-food.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/6041b0cd7558c03250db59c4-its-important-to-find-a-balance-with-your-attitude-towards-food.jpeg 1047w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>Negative LanguageThink carefully about the words you use in front of your children, and what words your children see you use to other people in your life. Not Following ThroughDoes this scenario sound familiar? "If you do that once more, I'm going to take that tablet away" and then don't follow through? Empty threats may result in situations where your child is not listening to you. After all, why would they take their parents seriously if there's a chance they won't go through with the promised actions.Physical Aggression This isn't ever advisable. Researchers show corporal punishment can have a hugely detrimental effect on children. It can increase their aggression and result in decreased empathy in children's behavior. Even play joking about it, "go on, just hit him back", is a big no-no for any child.Applauding Bad BehaviorYes, it might be lovely and friendly when your child stands up on a table and sings a song to you, but it's probably not for all the other people in the restaurant. If you are laughing or applauding your child with these habits, they may continue to try harder to get more laughs. Over SchedulingDo your children see you like an adult tornado racing here, there, and everywhere? Remember, you need to take some time out as parents, and so do they as children. While you may feel a packed diary full of extracurriculars is essential, remember they need to learn just to be children, and play is just as important to them as any class.If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at what to do if your <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/baby-climbed-out-of-crib-heres-what-to-do-next" target="_blank">baby climbed out of their crib</a> or our guide to [baby modeling]?

Children are always watching and learning

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Children see children do. Is your influence a positive one? Here's how you can help to create a positive atmosphere for your little ones, and what to avoid

'Children See Children Do': Creating A Positive Atmosphere

When you hear the word discipline, what comes to mind?It might conjure up images of a strict teacher when you were a student at school or someone with a rigid sense of self-control who has mastered the art of self-discipline. Discipline has many connotations, and its essence is important, from childhood right the way through our lifetime.The importance of discipline is far-reaching across our lifespan and for people everywhere, though have you ever considered how disciplined you are? Perhaps you have already seen our <a href="https://kidadl.com/articles/types-of-behavior-according-to-psychology-which-are-you" target="_blank">types of behavior</a> and [types of punishment] parenting articles. So, let's take a look at discipline's importance in life and why it is an integral part of professional, social, and academic success for you, and your kids.‍<h2 data-header-link="Why Is Discipline Important?">Why Is Discipline Important?</h2>Learning the importance of discipline is essential for many reasons. Predominately it helps bring stability and structure to our lives. Without it, we would simply be in chaos. It teaches us the importance of being responsible and how to be respectful of our actions. Rules are inevitably the basis of any society in the world. Put it this way, without discipline; everyone would do as they please and not give a hoot about others. Life discipline promotes the good in human behavior to make a better society and a pleasant environment for everyone to live harmoniously.<figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:1049px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/60499b713e67858efa9b7f06-top-athletes-have-spent-years-training-and-mastering-self-discipline.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="Top athletes have spent years training and mastering self-discipline, and you can too." width="1049" height="700" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_60499b713e67858efa9b7f06-top-athletes-have-spent-years-training-and-mastering-self-discipline.jpeg 234w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_60499b713e67858efa9b7f06-top-athletes-have-spent-years-training-and-mastering-self-discipline.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_60499b713e67858efa9b7f06-top-athletes-have-spent-years-training-and-mastering-self-discipline.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_60499b713e67858efa9b7f06-top-athletes-have-spent-years-training-and-mastering-self-discipline.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/60499b713e67858efa9b7f06-top-athletes-have-spent-years-training-and-mastering-self-discipline.jpeg 1049w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>Think of leading athletes, the importance of discipline is the foundation block on which many sports have been created for thousands of years. In sporting life, everyone has to play by the rules, and that's why we have umpires and referees. The best performing athletes also have to train super hard to make the grade, show self-control, and align what they value to succeed. While many of us may have hated gym class in school, it's true in a sense that it really does help shape our character.There are two primary forms of discipline in life: self-discipline and external, which means following society's rules and laws. In the educational setting, there is also preventative, supportive, and corrective discipline, which we will explore below.<h2 data-header-link="The Value Of Discipline In Life">The Value Of Discipline In Life</h2>The value of life discipline within our lives is far-reaching, from our private lives to our professional working life. Discipline is important as it helps us understand what is right from wrong and adhere to our society. Psychologists often refer to discipline as a type of mind training, which helps shape our moral character. It helps us keep orderliness and achieve success.Self-discipline means the ability to control yourself or work hard without relying on others to tell you to do so or what is important. Successful people are often considered highly self-disciplined. If you take a look through some of the world’s top CEO's you can bet your last dollar they have a pretty good routine and repeatedly show that they are highly disciplined. Whether that's waking up routinely at five a.m. and going for a jog or saying no to social after-work drinks so they can get ahead of the game, success and self-discipline go hand in hand. Self-discipline creates a habit, and successful people discipline themselves to work towards their goals.We all know the feeling when there are just so many distractions around us in life, whether that's social media or mounting household chores. When you have your goals in mind, a good self-discipline level will help you focus on what's essential and achieve each step to get there. Ultimately it enables you to get things done, from the small tasks to the big important goals in life you wish to achieve.Discipline in life really helps you to become the best version of yourself. You can work at whatever your goals are daily, and when you do something consistently over time, you improve.<h2 data-header-link="The Value Of Discipline In School">The Value Of Discipline In School</h2><figure class="w-richtext-figure-type-image w-richtext-align-fullwidth" style="max-width:1404px"><div><img src="https://media.kidadl.com/60499b91d834af3847bc63e9-in-school-there-are-several-different-forms-of-discipline.jpeg" loading="lazy" alt="In school there are several different forms of discipline." width="1404" height="874" srcset="https://media.kidadl.com/thumbnail_60499b91d834af3847bc63e9-in-school-there-are-several-different-forms-of-discipline.jpeg 245w,https://media.kidadl.com/small_60499b91d834af3847bc63e9-in-school-there-are-several-different-forms-of-discipline.jpeg 500w,https://media.kidadl.com/medium_60499b91d834af3847bc63e9-in-school-there-are-several-different-forms-of-discipline.jpeg 750w,https://media.kidadl.com/large_60499b91d834af3847bc63e9-in-school-there-are-several-different-forms-of-discipline.jpeg 1000w,https://media.kidadl.com/60499b91d834af3847bc63e9-in-school-there-are-several-different-forms-of-discipline.jpeg 1404w" sizes="(max-width: 1012px) 100vw, 620px"></div></figure>The value of discipline in academic life is carried on with us into the world of work and leading our own homes and families as adults. When students work toward academic goals, they see the fruits of their labor. What's more, students following classroom rules are those who listen and can keep up with the lesson. They will perform well and get better grades, leading to more success.Learning the value of discipline in student life is a valuable lesson all children develop at a young age. This may include tasks such as working towards exams or even completing homework promptly. Kids are taught from a young age that doing their best in their academic life is important, and that we will face the consequences if we don't study or follow the class rules.Preventative Discipline In Students This means the rules and expectations the class teacher sets out for the students' school life. Clearly explaining expectations is a core part of the preventative form of discipline. The key goal of preventive discipline is to give proactive support to any emerging potential disruptive behaviors by defining to the class what behaviors are expected and defining those that are not appropriate. This might be as simple as a list of class rules such as no talking in class, no mobiles, and what kind of language is expected. Preventative discipline also identifies the consequences, so the student knows what is in store should they not follow the rules. Supportive Discipline In StudentsEven the best preventative strategies can fall apart from time to time, especially over an entire school year. If a student violates a rule, the class teacher may show supportive discipline by offering them a choice to correct the behavior or a reminder of the consequence should they persist. It's often known as a verbal warning. It's very different from punishment as this form of discipline offers the student the opportunity to correct their behavior and suggests how they can. For example, if the class teacher has told all the students to find their place, and one student remains wandering away from their desk, the teacher may say, "I have already asked everyone to sit down. We need to begin, so can you find your seat now, or I will keep you after the lesson." Reminders and non-verbal communication such as pointing also fall under supportive discipline.Corrective Discipline In StudentsThis type of discipline refers to the scenario when a student has failed to correct their behavior, after teaching staff may have tried many supportive discipline strategies. Corrective discipline is ultimately the consequence the student has to face, and there's a wide variety of consequences in schools. Examples may be lunchtime detention, time out, or a suspension, depending on the student's age. It would have been explained to the student why they have reached such a consequence.Mastering Time ManagementBeing disciplined means understanding important priorities within school life. This may come at a sacrifice for a student’s social life. Still, it's also a valuable lesson on managing time, particularly when it comes to assignments and exams. If students are not disciplined, they may waste time on irrelevant tasks or procrastinating. Equally, it helps relieve stress within a student's life, as pulling an all-nighter before an imminent deadline and not having enough time can be a highly stressful event. How we learn to manage time impacts all aspects of our lives, from getting ready for an event to going to work.Ultimately, being disciplined has its importance across the life span and the values we adopt. If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at our guide to [table manners for kids] or our guide to [taking care of grandparents]?

Discipline helps people to obtain their goals in life

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Discipline is important in all its forms, from academic discipline to being self-disciplined. Let's take a look at the value of discipline in today's life.

The Value Of Discipline In The Modern World

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Manners & Discipline In Parenting